The memories they pass

And there she sat; distant and sad
A hunched person; the life she had
A tear drops; she covers it still
Sitting alone; memories fight her will

Years of pain; years of thought
Hurt her through; something so fraught
And alone she sits; surrounded by pain
The people they look; nothing to gain

The room so filled; talk is loud
Do they notice now; sitting in a crowd
That lady who sits; discovering her past
Is filled with horror; pain meant to last

And what would they do; hear her thought
Of agony; of crying; of pain; purely overwrought
Would they notice; the change on her face
The memories inflict her; mind about to brace

The years of panic; the years of thoughts
The years of planning; the years so taught
The years of hate; the years of hurt
The years of fear; the years of dirt

And then as you look; she drifts away
She continues on; no more thoughts today
That hour gone; now lost in the fray
The memories they pass; locked swiftly away

And hidden away; in many souls to keep
The burden of life; that runs so deep
A memory so lost; driven away
She is in a crowd; like many that day

Healing through Creativity Art and Healing Forum

Trauma survivors & supporters are welcome to share thoughts, creativity (art, writing & poetry, drawing, painting, sculpting, jewelry making, ...ect) and communication at the 'Healing Through Creativity' message board for survivors. Administrated by Haullie, Whitedove, Ginger & Vicky. Join today and feel the light within your inner soul shine and thrive. This forum is a wonderful opportunity for anyone who is creative to use their creativity as an outlet for healing and it's not just for survivors of violence, it's for survivors of any kind of trauma....sexual abuse, domestic violence, cancer, eating disorders, disease, grief and loss, disability...ect. So please feel free to join and heal with us.

The forum is located at www.healingthroughcreativity.org/forum

Grow

Four little girls, all in a row

Happy faces and thoughts aglow

Create a castle; in the sand

And listen slowly to the circus band

Let's make this castle; filled with surprise

As pretty as can be; the best sunrise

And when we are finished; we will stand back

And celebrate and be happy; a pat on the back

And so as they progress; a flower here and there

Molding the castle; so much care

And they build the moat; purple and blue

And a flag on top; a circle or two

And who would guess; the past they would reveal

Looking for love; looking to heal

And together; in that sandcastles glow

They pay tribute to their lives; and forever grow

The Mansion

Beyond our city; lies the Isle of Love
Standing abandoned; aside a raging sea
For many years; the waves pounded
Eroding; the island; in harmony

And its desolate shores; for years stood silent
Weeds grew on the land; for all to see
The neglect; was noticed by many
Until, one day; the Island Mansion was started

The island was cleared, the bulldozers roared
And from the desolation; arose a diamond
A rare jewel; slowly being built, from the ground up
Reaching to the clouds; in its glory

The foundations were laid; and brick by brick
The mansion grew forward; walls steady and strong
Artisans and craftsmen; the best in the land
Contributed to the building; a crown glory

And from the ashes; arose a glorious beginning
The mansion grew; golden staircases and towers
Curtains of lace and finery; gardens of green and flowers
And a lake for all the citizens to see over the waves

It stood; silently across the ocean; finished in completion
A silent boat shifted across
And then another, and another; carrying wares
Unknown to others.

And as the citizens watched, day by day and marvelled at the design
A darkness grew throughout the land; as a wall
Dark and ugly arose; from the ground; blocking the view
Of the Island Mansion; the beauty to be lost

And the silent boats returned; the wall built
And the mansion was lost to others; behind a fortress
Of unforgiving blandness and pale
Hiding the beauty beyond

Happy Birthday Whitedoves Nest!!

Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday Whitedoves Nest
Happy Birthday to you

What a journey the past two years have been. Whitedoves Nest for me has been one of the most important projects I have done in my life. For myself personally, it has given me tremendous growth and given me many survivor friends and contacts. Many years ago I thought I was completely alone, and now I know I am not.

I know when I first created Whitedoves Nest that I was consumed with completing it. I had various designs and looks for the front page, and was satisified with the look that is now seen by visitors. I have updated templates and added much more since its inception in Aug 2005.

In the time since, I have become a published poet, overcome the loss of my family of origin due to the abuse that occurred in my childhood, I have appeared on radio promoting survivor projects that I am involved with and travelled to America from Australia. I have also helped many many people who visit the site looking for inspiration and asking questions. Poetry and submissions has been used from this site for sexual assault conferences and inspiration by many.

I have also in this time threatened my abuser (father) with police action due to unwanted contacts. I have also spoken to other family members and have been met with much violence and anger, over discussing abuse in my family.

I have been blessed in many ways. I wish to thank my husband, who has helped in a big way to setup Whitedoves Nest initally and I know visits on occassion. I would also like to thank two dear friends who help me personally move forward in my healing.

I would also like to thank the 60,000 + visitors over this time for their support and courage.


((((hugs)))))

Whitedove
http://www.whitedovesnest.com/

One good memory

A little house; along a street
A simple place; nice and neat
A wooden fence; go straight in
Holding hands; my daddys grin

Here chose an apple; the owner says
You can have it free; we smile for days
A simple time; with my dad
Of riding bikes; of feeling glad

Of horsey rides; and swimming too
Of movies that were meant for you
Of trust and laughter; of times so great
Of birthday parties; and turning eight

A solid tear sheds my eye
I remember this and wonder why
I can think of no more; as I pass ten
Because of that day; when I learnt about men

A darkened night; all alone
Watching tv; I could hear its drone
An enclosed room; an innocent child
I close my eyes; what I see as he smiled

The ride back; after the deed
I cannot remember; I cannot heed
But I know my lesson taught
My nerves become frayed; I am overwrought

To live each day; in his home
Planning how not to be alone
With this man who is my dad
Crying tears and shaking mad

To live a life; running away
Being an adult; all in one day
Thinking his hands; and his touch
Thoughts of mine; become too much

And so when you ask; a good memory there
Of loving thoughts; of a dad who cares
I think back on the apple scene
It only hurts; it makes me scream

Travelling

Looking so forward to our holiday in the United States. Not long to go now - and so looking forward to it!!!!.

We hope to get to as many tourist spots as possible. And what a 22 hour flight to endure!!!

It is going to be a wonderful and life changing journey to www.healingthroughcreativity.org.

Enjoy!

Whitedove

Tears of Thank You.

And what do you do; a thank from high
You know you have been blessed; numbers telling you why
And then you are told; again and again
Thank you from my soul; thank you back then

I walked passed the note; standing there
It all started back then; and where
I listened to a lady; she told me her past
I started to shake; it did last and last

I wondered; why are they saying this; how can they say?
That they were abused; sitting there calm way
It just lit up inside me; I was not alone
There are others out there; in front of me; a tone

And from that day; when I realised there was more
I strove forward; I did explore
It was hard; an immense task
It was horrible; but it does not last

Seeking for information; I did find
Many others out there; thoughts unwind
And now I know I am surrounded; many more
And I know there are many out there; not to ignore

So from that moment; that thought in my head
I need help; I need care instead
So I pass back; to the lady that cared
Who helped me help many; if I dared


((((hugs))) Thanks to my third therapist

Celebrating 50,000 visitors to Whitedoves Nest

Praying for the end

Hiding; running; scared of sight
Dealing with this night after night
A little girl; so small and true
Is given over to the horror of you

Lost and alone, she enters its lair
A home of peace; frightened to be there
It is a kitchen; in a normal home
And a father dominates from the throne

And in he comes, no one is there
The fright builds up; it is time to scare
To be alone; five seconds with him
You live a lifetime; in this sin

And everything whirls; what will he do
Is he to say anything; do that to?
And you freeze; rabbit in fright
Not again in his spotlight

And when he retreats; and you are safe again
How many hours till it happens; that sin
Will he follow you into this room
Stalking you; bringing you doom

And when you are supposed to be calm
Reading a book; your torn to harm
Is he coming into this place
Filling your head with such disgrace

And finally; where do you go?
Do you tell someone; tell someone you know
And when you do; they dismiss it with ease
Looking at you like you have a disease

And so your thoughts turn to the end
Hoping to get out of there; hoping to descend
Wishing to disappear; wishing it gone
From night to day; feeling torn

The horror pain; easy to forget
It is the remembering; such a threat
Years on; you remember the pain
And over and over you experience it again

Knife in my heart; recovering memories

The images;the pain
Agony and despair
Wishing I was anywhere
Anywhere but there

Stuck in these memories
When will the come
Seeing these new images
Nothing; not fun

It is past; it is gone
I cannot worry now
I am releasing the pain
Releasing and how

Wishing to get the memory
The pain and despair
Living on the road
A road to somewhere.

SCARY THOUGHTS AND IMAGES

12.16 3 May 2007

Memories of that Night

Memories of that Night.

I wish you could hear me; hear my pain
Thoughts of you return again and again
You are far away from me now
The guilt is felt; every day and how

I have thoughts of him at this time
Thoughts of him and his crime
Making me cry; to hard to bare
I am no longer sorry; I cannot care

I cry and cry to release it out
Shaking my head; wanting to shout
Why does it have to be this way
Why do I have to pay?

I huddled alone; feeling it go
It is awful; I just have to know
Why did this happen; what did I do?
A little girl; now has thoughts of you

And many of us out there have this thought
The care and comfort of others I sought
To show me; that they are not all the same
That they all do not play his game

I remember now; what you did
I remember how I just hid
I went away; and was not there
The song I went to; so I did not care

And then what did I do; after the crime
I turned around; and washed for a time
Then I shouted out loud at you
I just knew what I had to do

So if you look; I tell the world
Of what you did; little girl unfurled
But I cry a tear every night
As I sit and bare the horrible fright

The Road of Memories

I see the road, years have past
The road not used; memories fast
The road it hides beneath the bridge
Feeling the fear at it ridge

And as we turned the corner; at its end
The fear raised within me; not its friend
The horror that was to come; not again
Feeling afraid; breath at its end

And as I passed the stop lights
I felt the fear of that night
The road of safety; is at its past
The thoughts endure; and hold fast

I continued on; breath is held
Feeling in my heart; tradegy swelled
I hide, I linger and feel the fright
I try to dismiss thoughts of this night

I hear the bells; I see the scene
I see a tree; thoughts are green
I remember back; a moment in time
Where I had to hide; from this crime

I remain; again and again
Searching for a meaning of the end
I remain in this memory now
It repeats for years and years and how

A second or two in time
My heart it lurched; reaching its prime
And what to do; it remains with me still
I fight against it with all my will.

I cannot change what is in the past
It is with me; it does last
The thoughts are there, frightening away
I have endured them for another day

Trust

Can I now trust
After years of pain
That the person I love
Will not do it again?

How can it be
From a silent call
My life in turmoil
Feelings about to fall

How do I feel
Now that I know
Will they be staying
Or will they just go?

Only time will tell
If our friendship is fair
Full of understanding
And full of care

So I hope
I have a friend
Who understands
A bond that will not end

Skin Choice

There is now a new feature today at www.whitedovesnest.com. I have made available a "Skin Choice" to allow visitors to choose which look they want as they visit the site.

There are three choices - my particular favourite is "union". The inspiration behind each of the templates can be read at "About this site" or by clicking the following link

http://www.whitedovesnest.com//index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=126&Itemid=45

Enjoy!

And what would you do?

I walked forward; knowing the dread to come
The clouds were heavy; gone was the sun
I went from the store; my shoulders down
My thoughts awash; my face a frown

I walked towards the lot; over to the side
Wishing I was anywhere; wishing to hide
And as I reached the door; it was wrong
I knew I could not care; I knew the song

The face I see it; years in advance
I have just remembered; this awful glance
I had to sit in the car; next to a pedophile
Not caring; rest my thoughts for a while

I was a teenager; not knowing what to do
My thoughts; depression thinking of you
I had to travel; many a time
Waiting; hating; for the crime

I know; I forget it now
Too many times; I count and how
My memories don't match; there's no glue
Not knowing what happened; I have no clue

And so now, I sit and live this life
Knowing any moment; it's memory strife
Why did no one help me; when they could
Living with this pain; called my childhood

Everlast

It came from nowhere; a glimpse of pain
Nothing I saw; and everything to gain
The world went slow; my sight grew dim
I knew what was coming; a memory of him

And what to do; when I was in control
I had responsibilites; I could not fall
I gripped the steering wheel; and held fast
I knew the awful memory; would not last

It rose within me; I know it is there
My thoughts they tell me; not time to care
So on this day; as I was driving along
I knew this memory; cannot belong

So I chose to forget; the pain that is there
To say to myself; a road to nowhere
I shouted it down; and shook my head
Not today I said; filling me with dread

I drove on, through the roundabout
The memory it shook me; of that no doubt
I saw but nothing; but I felt its scare
I will forget today; too much to bare

So now days later; I continue on
Wondering when it will next come; feeling forlon
And will it be there again today
I just hope; it will go away

But I know it follows me with its grin
Of that I have no doubt; but I will win
For I know; it is in the past
It cannot get me; I will everlast

Take my hand

A green field
Filled with a distant sound
A black crow
Gathered all around

Through the valley
I hear a cry
It is you saying
You are standing by

With arms encircled
And thoughts a fresh
Wishing me joy
Wishing me happiness

Take my hand
And follow me through
I want to tell you
I am in love with you.

Written for my husband

Travelling

The tickets are about to be purchased for our trip to America.

We are looking so forward to attending and being part of the healing festival at www.healingthroughcreativity.org and also visiting many tourist spots on the American east coast. I look forward to the Kennedy Space Centre, New York, Graceland and much more. The kids are looking forward to Sea World!!!!!

The plane ride will be long (some estimates are 30 hours or longer!) and much will be gained by my whole family.

Can't wait - its only 5 and a half months to go!!!!! I already have my art submission ready and busily getting ideas for creative poetry.