$5.00 Death

My father sold me to other men for oral sex for $5.00. I died inside every time. It happened many times when I was 4-6 years old. I was also used for making child pornography.

by Gabriel Orion Marie
http://gabrielorionmarie.com

Sensation Overload

Sensation Overload

This is how I felt when my body and senses were overloaded with Pain and Torture

By Gabriel Orion Marie

http://gabrielorionmarie.com/

Stages of Burden

Stages of the Burden: This painting shows how the Burden/Weight of Abuse that began early in my childhood got heavier and heavier in my life until it Crushed me and I collapsed with the pain

By Gabriel Orion Marie
http://gabrielorionmarie.com

Wishful Crowd Funding Opportunity

Check out this link for trailers and opportunities to help Help support funding of short film on effect of rape. Link to site http://www.pozible.com/project/181738

Conference

A conference to help survivors of severe child abuse (ritual abuse) and torture will be held on August 15 - 17, 2014, between 8 - 5 PM Saturday and Sunday at the DoubleTree Hotel near Bradley International Airport, 16 Ella Grasso Turnpike, Windsor Locks, CT 06096 (between Hartford, CT and Springfield, MA). This conference will help educate survivors of this abuse and their helpers. S.M.A.R.T., P. O Box 1295, Easthampton, MA 01027-1295 E-mail: smartnews@aol.com, conference information is at: http://ritualabuse.us/smart-conference/

Her Fathers Legacy

the girl huddled next to her school desk, covering her work quickly
uses the eraser three times, not getting it down, not understanding

--he will be there tonight -- I know you don't want to hear

write a story about menace she thought -- her task not healthy
it was hard to describe her life, her best friend not knowing

-- the fear will make you sick -- Quick turn away, leave the little girl alone

her mum not understanding, the sister she must protect, silent
hiding, waiting, running away, she huddled closer to her pen

-- trapped with him, his face will distort your memories -- Am I making you uncomfortable?

erasing more and more lines, it was the fear that got to her
but she must be strong, keep him away, while writing slowly about nothing

-- there is no escape, even if you try -- You cannot hear this, you say

and with the pen, she stopped, emotionless -- her pen down, shoulders hunched
she had nothing to write about, but rainbows and dancing in the sun

-- no one will believe you, to run you will just be returned - Well just stop reading

the menace had been that good, that precise
that even a little girl felt trapped -- when writing alone

he scared her to a point where it was easier to forget
and erase the page

the menace that is at every turn,

and leaves her chasing butterflies, in the fields

A Circle before Jail

Writing about the fairy circle is hard, she thought
It was an old tradition, passed down and down -- don't you have one?

-- a water tradition?

She would stand in the middle of her room
All painted in yellow, wearing a pretty dress, pigtales

-- perhaps a special saying?

Taking the dust from the bottle -- purple to be precise
May, I excuse you sir -- it had to be purple

-- special teddy bear -- am I reminding you?

She disappeared into her world of safety, her world of delight
Doing a fairy dust circle, sprinkling her childhood memory

-- Is was but years later

She remembered why, why the fairy dust circle was there
It was for the monsters -- for that ugly smiling one

-- Hidden in the cupboard, dark

Her fathers smile would bring her nightmares
Screams, of weird fright, illusions of the night

-- Nightmare under the covers, dare to be spoken

The circling fan, that made noises, praying
The creaks, squeals and whistles -- as she listened to his footsteps

-- Noises that go bump in the night, it was real

She would sit in her circle, protected
A childs' remedy -- a childs' delight, safe in her minds eye

-- Today in her office

Sits a circle painting, slowly she smiles
And she stares at it, softly -- as they walk into the room

They Killed Barbie

She sits there
And plays with
Her little barbie doll
Undresses it
And wraps it with
Christmas paper
She looks out the window


She dances her Barbie
Doll in a ballerina style
Enjoying its' twisting
And turning
Its' head backwards


She enjoys her music
As Barbie dances
Slowly to the latest
Song from the
Radio

He sits there and
Talks to the doctors
Crying
Offering help but
None to give

The attack left her
Scarred, hurt and
Alone
The men, were never caught

Statute of limitations passed


And now years later
As he remembers her smile
Her laughter
While he sits at the
Traffic light
With a Barbie
Stuck on the bonnet

Of his car.

Caught

Who I am -- is not for your amusement

I am not your amusement child, for when you are stressed or weary of the world
I do not look sexy or cute, do not entice anything out of me, with your sexual connotations


I am but a child, sitting there watching tv
Learning about the world, all of such eight, staring out the window


Not yet grown, not understanding that there is evil out there
And evil there laying on the couch -- watching me -- waiting, planning


For when the house is empty, ready to pray on me
Decisive, practiced, many a girl before me, and many after me


So I wonder, what went through in your mind, when you decided to violate my body
When you decided, what my life should be.


     Was it that you were stressed, like you told me so many years later, when I grew up
     Or was it just that you were a man -- weak, useless and cruel

Ritual Abuse Conference CT USA

http://ritualabuse.us/smart-conference/


August 9 – 11, 2013
DoubleTree near
Bradley International Airport
16 Ella Grasso Turnpike
Windsor Locks, CT

Internet conference information:
http://ritualabuse.us/smart-conference/

2012 Ritual Abuse Conference CDs are now available http://ritualabuse.us/smart-conference/2012-conference/

Conference Goals
- To help stop future occurrences of ritual abuse
- To help survivors of ritual abuse
- To name the groups that have participated in alleged illegal activities
- To unite those working to stop ritual abuse

Conference Schedule
There will be a small get together, deli dinner, dessert and early registration for pre-registered attendees only, on August 10, Friday evening. The conference will be all day on Saturday August 11 and Sunday August 12. Please check our conference home page for the latest conference schedule information. Some presentations will also be recorded.

Awareness

 

Thanks to linawifeofL for this graphic

My Seven Year Diary

A poem cataloguing the journey that is Whitedoves Nest.

She stands in purple
Risk it all
Try your local library
For these books
Walked up to the
My childhood memories
Therapy
The right touch
"Free Shipping"
While no one was watching
There is a whisper in heaven
She was busy looking
At the floor and the money
Journals; blue clouds
I watch and talk to him
My Children
And as I whisper
About this site
A few things
We thank you for the many hours
Of support and talk
A small room
You walk in -- Inspired

Never a Smile

There in the distance
I see a tree
Here close up you
Remember the swing
I cry for I will never have
A father to be there
To see the delight
In my smile.

The Cross

I saw a note today
In the middle
Of the road
It was not a simple note
It was a cross
Like one you put
In your Aunty's birthday card
A faux I love you
But this was no
I love you
This was a cross to
Remind me
Of the terror
Of the forgotten things
And how love
Can go horribly wrong
This was where
I was abused
And they marked it
With a cross.

Prezi - But I am Your Voice by Whitedove

But I am Your Voice on Prezi

My childhood memories

My childhood memories

Silent bird calls
Creaking houses
Noises from corners
She sits
Writing
On her notepad
Whirring of the fridge
Noises, coughs, beeps
From out the back
    She pauses to hear
    A door closing
    Footsteps
    Down the hall
    Walking forward
    Pausing
    Not scary
    Hiding looking
    For hiding spots
The fridge makes a noise
The birds stop
Birds flying outside
Sunlight drifts in
A deep breath
Difficult day
Eyes glinting
In the morning
    Hidden she is
    From his glare
    He cannot see her
    Under the bed
    She sits there listening
    Waiting
    Waiting for the footsteps
    To wander on down the hall
    Waiting
    Scared
    Nothing
    Surreal
Shadecloth
Shadows
Fireplace
Creaking of the walls
Silence
Humming of the fridge
Tv off
Light across the wire
    It continues past the door
    Into the kitchen
    Where there is no noise
    I wait
    Wait scared surreal
    Springs under the mattress
    Gazing outside
    Seeing no escape
    Hoping for escape
    Nothing there
    No one there
    But him
Dogs barking
In the distance
As I remember
Sitting here
My childhood memories

Cannot remember

You sat there
Seeing it happen
Before your eyes
In your mind

Amazement at the
Loss of memory
Where I was
Upset at the place

You saw it in your mind
A locked closet
You turn to
Face the mystery

And by the orchard
You explain
Why you
Cannot remember

The bravest girl I know

For anonymous

You sat there listening
To a fifteen year old
Tell you tragic news
Of her father in jail


Because she put him there
And her family blamed her
And ostracised her
And her mother had taken to drugs


"She could no longer take it"
His constant raping of her
"She could no longer take it"
And now, she lived alone in hate

A Vase : For when they tell you

A vase : For when they tell you


A vase sits on the
     Bench

It has pretty flowers
     Stencilled on it

Lovely   motifs and
     Wonderful look

Slim,     and slender
      It stands there

     And    then
Someone walks pass

And    screams
                     "You're Broken"

And     the
     Next

And the           next

And the vase sits
There
Smiling
Holding water
For it is whole.