Memories of that Night

Memories of that Night.

I wish you could hear me; hear my pain
Thoughts of you return again and again
You are far away from me now
The guilt is felt; every day and how

I have thoughts of him at this time
Thoughts of him and his crime
Making me cry; to hard to bare
I am no longer sorry; I cannot care

I cry and cry to release it out
Shaking my head; wanting to shout
Why does it have to be this way
Why do I have to pay?

I huddled alone; feeling it go
It is awful; I just have to know
Why did this happen; what did I do?
A little girl; now has thoughts of you

And many of us out there have this thought
The care and comfort of others I sought
To show me; that they are not all the same
That they all do not play his game

I remember now; what you did
I remember how I just hid
I went away; and was not there
The song I went to; so I did not care

And then what did I do; after the crime
I turned around; and washed for a time
Then I shouted out loud at you
I just knew what I had to do

So if you look; I tell the world
Of what you did; little girl unfurled
But I cry a tear every night
As I sit and bare the horrible fright

The Road of Memories

I see the road, years have past
The road not used; memories fast
The road it hides beneath the bridge
Feeling the fear at it ridge

And as we turned the corner; at its end
The fear raised within me; not its friend
The horror that was to come; not again
Feeling afraid; breath at its end

And as I passed the stop lights
I felt the fear of that night
The road of safety; is at its past
The thoughts endure; and hold fast

I continued on; breath is held
Feeling in my heart; tradegy swelled
I hide, I linger and feel the fright
I try to dismiss thoughts of this night

I hear the bells; I see the scene
I see a tree; thoughts are green
I remember back; a moment in time
Where I had to hide; from this crime

I remain; again and again
Searching for a meaning of the end
I remain in this memory now
It repeats for years and years and how

A second or two in time
My heart it lurched; reaching its prime
And what to do; it remains with me still
I fight against it with all my will.

I cannot change what is in the past
It is with me; it does last
The thoughts are there, frightening away
I have endured them for another day

Trust

Can I now trust
After years of pain
That the person I love
Will not do it again?

How can it be
From a silent call
My life in turmoil
Feelings about to fall

How do I feel
Now that I know
Will they be staying
Or will they just go?

Only time will tell
If our friendship is fair
Full of understanding
And full of care

So I hope
I have a friend
Who understands
A bond that will not end

Skin Choice

There is now a new feature today at www.whitedovesnest.com. I have made available a "Skin Choice" to allow visitors to choose which look they want as they visit the site.

There are three choices - my particular favourite is "union". The inspiration behind each of the templates can be read at "About this site" or by clicking the following link

http://www.whitedovesnest.com//index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=126&Itemid=45

Enjoy!

And what would you do?

I walked forward; knowing the dread to come
The clouds were heavy; gone was the sun
I went from the store; my shoulders down
My thoughts awash; my face a frown

I walked towards the lot; over to the side
Wishing I was anywhere; wishing to hide
And as I reached the door; it was wrong
I knew I could not care; I knew the song

The face I see it; years in advance
I have just remembered; this awful glance
I had to sit in the car; next to a pedophile
Not caring; rest my thoughts for a while

I was a teenager; not knowing what to do
My thoughts; depression thinking of you
I had to travel; many a time
Waiting; hating; for the crime

I know; I forget it now
Too many times; I count and how
My memories don't match; there's no glue
Not knowing what happened; I have no clue

And so now, I sit and live this life
Knowing any moment; it's memory strife
Why did no one help me; when they could
Living with this pain; called my childhood

Everlast

It came from nowhere; a glimpse of pain
Nothing I saw; and everything to gain
The world went slow; my sight grew dim
I knew what was coming; a memory of him

And what to do; when I was in control
I had responsibilites; I could not fall
I gripped the steering wheel; and held fast
I knew the awful memory; would not last

It rose within me; I know it is there
My thoughts they tell me; not time to care
So on this day; as I was driving along
I knew this memory; cannot belong

So I chose to forget; the pain that is there
To say to myself; a road to nowhere
I shouted it down; and shook my head
Not today I said; filling me with dread

I drove on, through the roundabout
The memory it shook me; of that no doubt
I saw but nothing; but I felt its scare
I will forget today; too much to bare

So now days later; I continue on
Wondering when it will next come; feeling forlon
And will it be there again today
I just hope; it will go away

But I know it follows me with its grin
Of that I have no doubt; but I will win
For I know; it is in the past
It cannot get me; I will everlast

Take my hand

A green field
Filled with a distant sound
A black crow
Gathered all around

Through the valley
I hear a cry
It is you saying
You are standing by

With arms encircled
And thoughts a fresh
Wishing me joy
Wishing me happiness

Take my hand
And follow me through
I want to tell you
I am in love with you.

Written for my husband

Travelling

The tickets are about to be purchased for our trip to America.

We are looking so forward to attending and being part of the healing festival at www.healingthroughcreativity.org and also visiting many tourist spots on the American east coast. I look forward to the Kennedy Space Centre, New York, Graceland and much more. The kids are looking forward to Sea World!!!!!

The plane ride will be long (some estimates are 30 hours or longer!) and much will be gained by my whole family.

Can't wait - its only 5 and a half months to go!!!!! I already have my art submission ready and busily getting ideas for creative poetry.

A piece of paper

I see the lights
There up ahead
Feeling empty inside
Feeling self dread

I see the sign
Looking back and forth
I see a road
One south; one north

Where do I turn
When I am so alone
Where am I going
In my self torture zone

What am I doing
Where do I head
Would I be better off
Sick and feeling dread

Why is it so empty
Why is life at times so hard
Where do I fit in
Sick and feeling scarred

Why must I sometimes
Feel this way
Feeling lonely on
This lovely summer day

I look up ahead
I continue on
I have a piece of paper
To keep me from feeling gone

From far away
I hear a call
It is ok
I won't let you fall.

Blanket

A safe surround
The blanket lies
Aside the river
Broken all ties

No conditions and no thought
Just peace
And heaven
Feel like it ought

One day I will reach out
See the scene
Be there quietly
Change to green


Thanks to a friend

What next?

I took a look
A second past
I knew I saw it
I could not last


What was there
That scared me so
What was it
That I did not know

And just why did I
Not want to see
Why can it
Not let me be

And if I remember
What then do I do
I know something is there
Can it be true?

The Forgotten One

I hear a song
A voice from far away
Calling out
In the darkness

A tear drop falls
And finds its way
Landing at my feet
I look down, the tear a puddle

Where am I
What am I doing
Why am I here
What is this about

I ask others
I seek their understanding
I have no idea
Which path to take

A sadness fills me
I shed a thousand tears
And then I hear a calling
A little person whispering my name

Where am I
In all of this she says
Why not take care of me
I turn and listen, I hear my own voice.

The Painting

It sat upon the wall
Above a fireplace; showing fall
The picture was there for years
In the place of many tears

I cannot remember its detail
Pierce my heart; as a nail
It was but orange; I do remember
Thoughts like fire and burning embers

It was large; looking over the room
At the end; it did but loom
Watching over the scene
Of my memories; it does but lean

Is it a picture of a road?
Or perhaps a river; my thoughts slowed
It could be a chain link fence
A forest of trees; stark and dense

I saw it there as my childhood passed
A downward sorrow is but cast
It stood above me in the room
As my father created my tomb

What stories would this painting tell
It would see my living hell
It would know what happened to me
My thoughts hurt; please let me be

So what if the painting were to speak
What would it say; wisdom to seek
And if I cannot remember this scene
Just what does that really mean?

For six years; this painting saw
My thoughts meek; I do withdraw
From what happened in this place
My memories; they try to erase

Years have past; the painting still there
I remember; it brings back the scare
My memories amiss at the end
The painting knows; it can but mend

So what do I seek from this painting now
As my thoughts furrow my brow
Could it be that I cannot know
The horror too much for me to grow?

If I remember what the painting knows
My life is thrown; my thoughts close
I am frightened of this scene
Of what my memories can but mean

So I forget; the room for now
I continue on with life; thoughts disavow
I one day will remember the painting
Steady myself; my thoughts are waiting.

This is why I love you

Submitted by Black Crow

The light I see within your eyes
The sparkle I see in your smile
These are the things that are true
And this is why I love you

You are an inspiration
To all that need to feel
That someone out there cares
To help so they can heal

Your courage is exceptional
Your heart is full of love
And this is why I adore you
My beautiful white dove

What is a friend

A leaf does slip off a tree
And silently falls down
It glides backwards and forwards
And lands on the ground

The next leaf does fall
And ponders down as well
It silently gathers to the ground
Where all the others do dwell

And what if the leaves were sorrow
My tears falling still
Would you be there to catch them
Chasing all my will?

A friend will catch the leaf
And turn it all around
They will offer their advice
Turn a smile from a frown

They will see the leaf
And put out there hand
And grab it well before
The tears fall to land

So here is my hand to
Catch your fallen tears
Your sorrow and your heartache
A true friendship through the years

Poem

Whitedove is currently reading "The Wounded Heart" by Dr Dan Allender

A poem:

The night is dark
But I can see
All the things
You mean to me

Your gorgeous face
Your beautiful smile
Your love for me
Makes it worthwhile

The joy you bring
The happiness you give
Makes me realise
How to live

You are so strong
In all your pain
The courage you show
Keeps me sane

I love you dearly
My loving wife
You and the girls
Are my life

Celebrating 10,000 unique visitors

Wow - I am amazed.

10,000 unique visitors to www.whitedovesnest.com!

Hope you have enjoyed your visit and return shortly.

Thanks to all the continual contributions I receive throughout the year to make this site what it is.

((((hugs))))
Whitedove.

Love instead of Hate

What are the choices
That we make
It seemed so real
But it was all fake

A land of make believe
A land of making things real
Of taking hold of something
Of it being surreal

Seeing things there
Speaking out loud
Hearing everything
Nothing so proud

Listening to music
It had meaning too
Unsure what was happening
Unsure what to do

Did I want to die
Was that the aim
Did it all become too much
Was it a game?

How did I make the call
Messages sent from high
I was to receive
I let out a sigh

So what did I send back
What was so great
What was I supposed to do
Was I too late

So here is the message
I sent to the gate
I said NO, NO, NO
Love instead of hate.


Hopefully who ever wanted this message will read it.

I was asked Yes or No

I say NO.

Changes

Out of something old; comes something new
A fresh start; a chance to renew
A feeling of sadness; crying and fear
A chance to start through the years

Once it was thrill and happiness to be near
A sigh on the lips so dear
Soon an aching of distant gone
Perhaps something making one forlorn

A drifting apart; no fault of ones own
One moved forward; while one grown
A distance became a gulf; feeling lost
An iciness that turns to frost

But then something happens; a whisper still
That starts to break through their will
And one realises that there is a chance
To capture that one lost glance

So today; we start anew
Hoping that sad times will be few
Change is finally here
Happiness and family in the air

So I thank you from the bottom of my heart
For being there when others arent.
Thank you for loving me; care too
From your wife; I love you

For my husband; thank you for the ring
and wishing to accompanying me on my journey.
13 Sept 2006

(((((big hugs and kisses))))))

Whitedove

Lost and Alone

lost and alone
in a world of hate and harm
why why did this happen;
where is my calm

will it go
no, i cannot change time
i cannot go back
and reinact the crime

i hate being attached
i hate my emotions; to and fro
being tied to nothing
and the trival thoughts that come and go

i want to be happy
to see the rainbows again
to understand the suns rays
and to be me with a grin

but it is clouded
full of hate and fear
feeling the emptiness of nearness
holding every thing dear

when will this feeling go
what to do
a sorrow deep within
a feeling of sorrow and low

so if you feel this way
join me to
in this loneliness
at the bottom of you.