The Mulberry Tree

A distant landscape, a little girl cries A soft tear drop, land of lullabies And here she ventures, black hair in light A cusped teddy bear, mulberry tree of might She ventures tiptoeing; down the lane A tunnel of forest, hurry back again Her backpack, sturdy yellow of gold The teddy bear her companion, tucked in her fold And silently she graces, trees whisper to her Tucked safe and sound, she touches his fur And as she nears, that mulberry tree in the field She walks up to it, a smile she does yield And there she sits, beside the tree, I cannot go back, because here is me And she sits, there by its side The darkness descends, sun showing its tide And what if love were the mulberry tree The little girl sits there, at its knee And recounts her story, silence forever gone She lets go of anger, lets go of scorn A moment of peace; a moment of distant grace A silent smile, comes to her face And she returns to life; mulberry tree left behind Her memory reminds her; love is a find. Written for and inspired by Haullie Free www.voicesofstrength.org - for the pictures of the tree. I ran away to an area trying to escape......but had to return to the abuse... this poem recounts this time

Hells Gate

A long winding alley, oranges trees of green
I see you standing there, know what I mean
And then you peer down, does a smile come too
I know it is the start, the abuse in you

I know I remembered, the shame returns soon
And the orange tree stands there, flowers in bloom
And did it fascinate you to see, a little girl shy
Do you remember it now, a while past us by

And we share that memory, can I take it away
Smash it into pieces, mirrors cutting for today
And when all was said and done, and you turned away
Did you know that the girl would remember, years from today

I hope that you live your life, for hells where you will be
There will be your redemption, for doing this to me
And I have lived souls death, over and over in my mind
And releasing it now, my thoughts in a bind

And so you see now, the little girl still writes
Still remembers silently, those long dark lonely nights
And may you remember me, as you fly to hells ground
And a smile rises up, for this is what you found.

True love

Brings a smile
It flutters forward
Like butterfly wings
Dancing in the sun

A bubble, floating
From the sway of my shoulders
As I dance to the music
That I hear internally

An internal hug
As I see the dawn of the day
A joyous happiness
Smiles raised upwards with tears in my eyes

A change in my thoughts
A smile of surprise
Anger above and beyond
Thrilled to be alive

A red sports car
Running on full tilt
I look in the mirror
And my smile, smiles back

My face lights up
I laugh and continue on
And my wish is that
You find true love too

Love inside of me

i cannot exist, i cannot be

without your love inside of me

and i whisper now, from that place inside

i call i wonder can i hide?

and did you hear me, when i called your name

i love you deeply, within a frame

and when you were silent, did i whisper that word

Did you hear me, did it go unheard

So when I call, from my heart

And you listen; we deeply part

You have never been loved before

Close your eyes, I can give much more

So now you know, its within my mind

This love together, is my bind

And here is my hand; to clasp in grace

My heart has found its rightful place

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t0hdaKkJU9A

Short Poetry Film

A Time to Remember

I am not sure I can; read another word
Listen to the call; going unheard
And dream another thought; as I fear that call
And here I shrink; curling into a ball

The pain of those months; not knowing what to do
Not understanding the darkness; the thoughts of you
And that feeling of helplessness; praying to the lord
Oh let them be here; don’t take them onboard

And living those dark nights; feeling the fear
The sobbing and crying; I cannot be near
And the aching inside, what do I do
The thousand teardrops; just for you

What will I say; when I get the call
What do I do; will I let you fall
And as I dream; begging someone there
Just telling you over and over; I just do care

And the agony of waiting; making that call
The anger that rises; the anger that falls
And making of lists and repeating them too
Of why I want you here; the life is in you

Of sending you notes and making this speech
Of worrying to death; of making me reach
Those dark filled nights; jumped at the phone
If only I knew; I had guessed by the tone

And I knew just when; I knew I was late
I figured it out; just feeling that hate
The anger; uncontrollable; the scare at my door
The tumbling of agony; falling to the floor

And when someone comes to you; their life in your hand
It is hard to comprehend; it is hard to understand
The call that I made; can I continue on
Giving them advice; feeling so gone

And then later they say thank you; the pain I went through
Remembering back; the fright that I knew
Of not knowing; of feeling lost; so unaware
The darkness seeps within me; the feeling of care

And what keeps you going; what remains there that day
Of thinking back; being too and fray
That feeling of togetherness; the loss so unreal
Of not having you here; the loss I can feel

I see you there now; standing aloft
The time that is passed; crying so soft
I remember back then; the fear rises so fast
I hope this time of quiet; does but last

So I take a deep breath; the feeling has past
The scare that I knew; hoping you would last
And the growth that it gave me; I am different I know
A year has past now; we feel calmness and grow

August 11 2007 5.07am

Dragons

Do Dragons Breathe Fire?

And here it is; fire in its breath
The venom coming out; that sudden death
A pointy tail; that dimwitted sound
Sharp claws; hidden all around

One look; and it frightens away
It's fire breath; coming into prey
The curled tail; spikey thorns of hate
The fire it breaths; running you late

But yet today; lets just stand back
Its only a picture; your thoughts overlap
And what if it were nothing; would it go away
I think it would; suddenly as today

And so lets change it; lets turn it around
Lets find a picture; a cartoon frown
Its blowing smoke; its saying stupid words
It is nothing; its overturned

Wobbly eyes it has; no breath in its wings
The colour is dulled; it does not sing
A hair of mess; was that picture of hate
It was overwrought; and scaring me of late

So here in this poem; its taken to know
Now whats left; is a cartoon show
Its only an image; that dragon tail
I see it now; its lost and frail

For you see; the images are the same
Its only me; seeing its game
And side by side; the images are there
And I push it aside; without a care

Firey Dragon

Lets ask around; the village is bad
It is terrorised; the dragon mad
It walks in; the villagers run
And scurry around; lifes not fun

You dont know the dragon; the village is lost
The dragon breathes fire; at all cost
It is overwrought; making the villagers hate
Its tearing down houses; it is singing irate

The villagers stand around; what do we do
They talk of the monster; I talk too
They ask the village over; protected and fine
What did you do; they give you a line

So you wait and wonder; nothing is done
The village is nearly lost; roofs are undone
So you take your sword; not knowing what to do
And you stand up; pointy sword for two

And the villages they watch; stand back amazed
They could not do that; they look in a daze
But here is the village; you say with your heart
We have to protect it; just a start

And here the village learnt; you cannot hide away
Protect the village; we are here to stay
And here is our sword; our words filled with power
It is our time; finally our finest hour

Souls do Speak; What art does

And what did I learn; what did I see
Arts taken a year; inside of me
A false start; not knowing what to do
Within my heart; still thoughts for two

Arts made with anger, its made with fear
Its made with love; wishing so near
A heart is hidden; a thought is there
Its still not over; wishing I was there

The purple haze; background of white
A dash of black; lost my mind with fright
Hidden messages abound; within its walls
And here Art is; my tears being to fall

And look within; the pieces I chose
The last two sit here; within it knows
A five ringed circus; worry me late
Will you guess it; will you hate

And today; as I had a thought
Did it make me wonder; feel overwrought
I have basically figured; you feel the same
And here we both play; that hiding game

So as you look; within this heart
There is a message; filled with art
The last piece I did; begin to set
Can I ask; can I get?

So stand back; and be amazed
For within the art; messages ablaze
And as you see it; your eyes do seek
Within this piece; souls do speak

A love heart in my soul

And deep down where the wind blows
And silent raindrops fall and goes
Within my soul; I paint a scene
I draw so silently; what does it mean

And here where it is safe and warm
And above the clouds; swing and swarm
And the palms; safe inside
Is a place where; we can hide

The oceans beat, a smile so fine
I greet you here; that hidden line
And the sands grain; I feel so deep
And here we are; forever to keep

And now; and your eyes begin to close
And I see; a whisper; silently to your toes
And look around; you will see it there
A love heart in my soul; to care

The Wall of Silence

There is a stare; over that wall
The silence broken; life begins to fall
A memory here; a thought just right
I remember it now; such a fright

And the years of silence; the years to forget
The years of denial; living regret
A family that lives; a life with that pain
And they sit there in silence; forever refrain

And how do they look; over that Christmas dinner tonight
Knowing a father; gave them such fright
And they sit there in silence; not saying a word
They sit there; like it was never heard

And pass me a plate; your dinner tonight
And lets all forget; you grew up in fright
And here is the peas; and here is your word
Lets all forget it; go on undisturbed

And so it is forgotten; the pain too hard to bare
That sitting across from you; a monster so fair
Silently sitting; awaiting his next prey
And it is all forgotten; the wall of silence this day

Marked My Soul

I saw an image; a few moments a go
My soul was marked; forever I know
The humilation; the fear; the agony; the pain
I will never be able to tell; I refrain

It cannot pass my lips tonight
I will live forever, in this horror and fright
It will haunt me throughout my days
What he watched; I hid it; 30 yrs to craze

He looked, fences high; garrett to the gate
The anger the fear the rising hate
And when he should have yelled and screamed
What he saw, horror nightmare dreams

And so tonight, when you read this poem
Know my soul is marked; for it is unknown
Buried deep you see; I cannot deal with the pain
You cannot see it now; inside it will remain

Balloons

Corner of the room; that little white room
Stands a little girl; holding a balloon
She has a tear; she wears it well
She is silent; she cannot tell

Sssh, listen; her quiet cry
I cannot understand; I bend down and try
The tears they drip; and fall down well
I listen closely; I cannot tell

And in a whisper; I hold her palm
Trying to keep her; still and calm
She whispers silently; he made me cry
He violated me; he did but try

And then I knew; what I had to do
I pulled out my pocket; and said just for you
A bag of balloons; as I held them there
Here it is; showing you I care

And there she stood; silently in a daze
As surrounded by her; in a haze
A parade of balloons; all by her side
She no longer was silent; no longer had to hide.

Re-experiencing

Re-experiencing

What do I do
I am alone
He is in the hallway
I can hear his steps
Is that the door
It cant be
Oh no what do i do
Where can I go
There is the bed
I must hide
What will happen if he comes in
Where can i go
what am i doing here
Please dont let him find me
I cannot handle it if he finds me
Why do I have to live with this
What cruel god is there
I cannot see past my bed
Is that him coming in
Is that his footsteps
Please let them go the other way
I must be quiet
I must get under the bed better
I must be silent

After the Storm

And five minutes ago, what did i see
Did I see those images, locked within me
And can I remember; can I forget
Am I getting prepared; I cannot remember yet

And my thoughts are lost; my fright real
I spent another moment; I cannot feel
And years later now; the memories still there
Why did he just not leave me alone; did he not care?

And today; another time lost to this
Another day unsupported; something amiss
And now as I calm down; and remember this storm
I say to myself; tommorow is yet a new dawn


Some days I cannot live with this......

My last thought

Alone in that room, and moments before
I was happy and contented; I knew the score
And how did you know; what was that fear
When this horror visited me; life not so near

Living this life is so distant; watching near me
My eye of a child; life not to be
The feel of the carpet; an innocent time
Being prepared for secretly; his thoughts of a crime


A turn of a dice; the notice of the game
I cannot understand; I cannot name
And who I was gone; and who will be here
That breath so disgusting; smelling and so near

And years later I recall; questioned so still
My heart is open; my thoughts are my will
I remember back; trying to get my last word
My last thought being normal; being overheard

And in those seconds before; lost to this world
What did I remember; my thoughts so unfurled
For my last thoughts as a person; my distant memory be
I remember how I thought; he must have loved me

The memories they pass

And there she sat; distant and sad
A hunched person; the life she had
A tear drops; she covers it still
Sitting alone; memories fight her will

Years of pain; years of thought
Hurt her through; something so fraught
And alone she sits; surrounded by pain
The people they look; nothing to gain

The room so filled; talk is loud
Do they notice now; sitting in a crowd
That lady who sits; discovering her past
Is filled with horror; pain meant to last

And what would they do; hear her thought
Of agony; of crying; of pain; purely overwrought
Would they notice; the change on her face
The memories inflict her; mind about to brace

The years of panic; the years of thoughts
The years of planning; the years so taught
The years of hate; the years of hurt
The years of fear; the years of dirt

And then as you look; she drifts away
She continues on; no more thoughts today
That hour gone; now lost in the fray
The memories they pass; locked swiftly away

And hidden away; in many souls to keep
The burden of life; that runs so deep
A memory so lost; driven away
She is in a crowd; like many that day

Healing through Creativity Art and Healing Forum

Trauma survivors & supporters are welcome to share thoughts, creativity (art, writing & poetry, drawing, painting, sculpting, jewelry making, ...ect) and communication at the 'Healing Through Creativity' message board for survivors. Administrated by Haullie, Whitedove, Ginger & Vicky. Join today and feel the light within your inner soul shine and thrive. This forum is a wonderful opportunity for anyone who is creative to use their creativity as an outlet for healing and it's not just for survivors of violence, it's for survivors of any kind of trauma....sexual abuse, domestic violence, cancer, eating disorders, disease, grief and loss, disability...ect. So please feel free to join and heal with us.

The forum is located at www.healingthroughcreativity.org/forum

Grow

Four little girls, all in a row

Happy faces and thoughts aglow

Create a castle; in the sand

And listen slowly to the circus band

Let's make this castle; filled with surprise

As pretty as can be; the best sunrise

And when we are finished; we will stand back

And celebrate and be happy; a pat on the back

And so as they progress; a flower here and there

Molding the castle; so much care

And they build the moat; purple and blue

And a flag on top; a circle or two

And who would guess; the past they would reveal

Looking for love; looking to heal

And together; in that sandcastles glow

They pay tribute to their lives; and forever grow

The Mansion

Beyond our city; lies the Isle of Love
Standing abandoned; aside a raging sea
For many years; the waves pounded
Eroding; the island; in harmony

And its desolate shores; for years stood silent
Weeds grew on the land; for all to see
The neglect; was noticed by many
Until, one day; the Island Mansion was started

The island was cleared, the bulldozers roared
And from the desolation; arose a diamond
A rare jewel; slowly being built, from the ground up
Reaching to the clouds; in its glory

The foundations were laid; and brick by brick
The mansion grew forward; walls steady and strong
Artisans and craftsmen; the best in the land
Contributed to the building; a crown glory

And from the ashes; arose a glorious beginning
The mansion grew; golden staircases and towers
Curtains of lace and finery; gardens of green and flowers
And a lake for all the citizens to see over the waves

It stood; silently across the ocean; finished in completion
A silent boat shifted across
And then another, and another; carrying wares
Unknown to others.

And as the citizens watched, day by day and marvelled at the design
A darkness grew throughout the land; as a wall
Dark and ugly arose; from the ground; blocking the view
Of the Island Mansion; the beauty to be lost

And the silent boats returned; the wall built
And the mansion was lost to others; behind a fortress
Of unforgiving blandness and pale
Hiding the beauty beyond

Happy Birthday Whitedoves Nest!!

Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday Whitedoves Nest
Happy Birthday to you

What a journey the past two years have been. Whitedoves Nest for me has been one of the most important projects I have done in my life. For myself personally, it has given me tremendous growth and given me many survivor friends and contacts. Many years ago I thought I was completely alone, and now I know I am not.

I know when I first created Whitedoves Nest that I was consumed with completing it. I had various designs and looks for the front page, and was satisified with the look that is now seen by visitors. I have updated templates and added much more since its inception in Aug 2005.

In the time since, I have become a published poet, overcome the loss of my family of origin due to the abuse that occurred in my childhood, I have appeared on radio promoting survivor projects that I am involved with and travelled to America from Australia. I have also helped many many people who visit the site looking for inspiration and asking questions. Poetry and submissions has been used from this site for sexual assault conferences and inspiration by many.

I have also in this time threatened my abuser (father) with police action due to unwanted contacts. I have also spoken to other family members and have been met with much violence and anger, over discussing abuse in my family.

I have been blessed in many ways. I wish to thank my husband, who has helped in a big way to setup Whitedoves Nest initally and I know visits on occassion. I would also like to thank two dear friends who help me personally move forward in my healing.

I would also like to thank the 60,000 + visitors over this time for their support and courage.


((((hugs)))))

Whitedove
http://www.whitedovesnest.com/

One good memory

A little house; along a street
A simple place; nice and neat
A wooden fence; go straight in
Holding hands; my daddys grin

Here chose an apple; the owner says
You can have it free; we smile for days
A simple time; with my dad
Of riding bikes; of feeling glad

Of horsey rides; and swimming too
Of movies that were meant for you
Of trust and laughter; of times so great
Of birthday parties; and turning eight

A solid tear sheds my eye
I remember this and wonder why
I can think of no more; as I pass ten
Because of that day; when I learnt about men

A darkened night; all alone
Watching tv; I could hear its drone
An enclosed room; an innocent child
I close my eyes; what I see as he smiled

The ride back; after the deed
I cannot remember; I cannot heed
But I know my lesson taught
My nerves become frayed; I am overwrought

To live each day; in his home
Planning how not to be alone
With this man who is my dad
Crying tears and shaking mad

To live a life; running away
Being an adult; all in one day
Thinking his hands; and his touch
Thoughts of mine; become too much

And so when you ask; a good memory there
Of loving thoughts; of a dad who cares
I think back on the apple scene
It only hurts; it makes me scream

Travelling

Looking so forward to our holiday in the United States. Not long to go now - and so looking forward to it!!!!.

We hope to get to as many tourist spots as possible. And what a 22 hour flight to endure!!!

It is going to be a wonderful and life changing journey to www.healingthroughcreativity.org.

Enjoy!

Whitedove