Her Fathers Legacy

the girl huddled next to her school desk, covering her work quickly
uses the eraser three times, not getting it down, not understanding

--he will be there tonight -- I know you don't want to hear

write a story about menace she thought -- her task not healthy
it was hard to describe her life, her best friend not knowing

-- the fear will make you sick -- Quick turn away, leave the little girl alone

her mum not understanding, the sister she must protect, silent
hiding, waiting, running away, she huddled closer to her pen

-- trapped with him, his face will distort your memories -- Am I making you uncomfortable?

erasing more and more lines, it was the fear that got to her
but she must be strong, keep him away, while writing slowly about nothing

-- there is no escape, even if you try -- You cannot hear this, you say

and with the pen, she stopped, emotionless -- her pen down, shoulders hunched
she had nothing to write about, but rainbows and dancing in the sun

-- no one will believe you, to run you will just be returned - Well just stop reading

the menace had been that good, that precise
that even a little girl felt trapped -- when writing alone

he scared her to a point where it was easier to forget
and erase the page

the menace that is at every turn,

and leaves her chasing butterflies, in the fields

Never a Smile

There in the distance
I see a tree
Here close up you
Remember the swing
I cry for I will never have
A father to be there
To see the delight
In my smile.

Prezi - But I am Your Voice by Whitedove

But I am Your Voice on Prezi

My childhood memories

My childhood memories

Silent bird calls
Creaking houses
Noises from corners
She sits
Writing
On her notepad
Whirring of the fridge
Noises, coughs, beeps
From out the back
    She pauses to hear
    A door closing
    Footsteps
    Down the hall
    Walking forward
    Pausing
    Not scary
    Hiding looking
    For hiding spots
The fridge makes a noise
The birds stop
Birds flying outside
Sunlight drifts in
A deep breath
Difficult day
Eyes glinting
In the morning
    Hidden she is
    From his glare
    He cannot see her
    Under the bed
    She sits there listening
    Waiting
    Waiting for the footsteps
    To wander on down the hall
    Waiting
    Scared
    Nothing
    Surreal
Shadecloth
Shadows
Fireplace
Creaking of the walls
Silence
Humming of the fridge
Tv off
Light across the wire
    It continues past the door
    Into the kitchen
    Where there is no noise
    I wait
    Wait scared surreal
    Springs under the mattress
    Gazing outside
    Seeing no escape
    Hoping for escape
    Nothing there
    No one there
    But him
Dogs barking
In the distance
As I remember
Sitting here
My childhood memories

The bravest girl I know

For anonymous

You sat there listening
To a fifteen year old
Tell you tragic news
Of her father in jail


Because she put him there
And her family blamed her
And ostracised her
And her mother had taken to drugs


"She could no longer take it"
His constant raping of her
"She could no longer take it"
And now, she lived alone in hate

The End of a Smile

"Her home is the well
She is lost in the city
Of rain and water
I have dirt across my face
Staring into the night sky
And she blows
Dandeloin seeds
To the wind
As you smile"

Twenty

It's Two Twenty AM

Sound asleep in

The house -- her house

No one awake

The odd motorbike

On the far off highway

The typing on the computer

As she writes a poem

To all those sleepless nights

And dreary mornings

Where she could not

Endure the day

Two Twenty AM -- is home.

Whirlwind

She steps tenderly
Towards the twig
And floats down
The river; holding on

The current moves in
A whirlwind
She screams; circular
"Help"

No one comes
She panics
Cries
And with abandon

Throws herself
Towards the water
Hoping
Praying

And just as
She realises what
Has happened
She calls out


And you just say - Stand up

To Write in the Sun

To Write in the Sun

The mouse runs
Darts this and that
To the darkness
Behind the tv

It smells the bait
The cheese there
It darts back
Eyeing it far away

                It inches tiptoeing
                Touch the wood
               With the edge
               Of its whiskers
 
               SNAP

               The metal bars
               Come down
               The other mice scream
               Left alone

Others walk
See the mouse twitch
Ignore the calls
Cries

The pain it endures
No one
Misery from God
Taking its last breath

          The bar rusted
          Fails in spring
          The mouse turns
          And knaws at the wood

                                 Other mice visit
                                 The trap sprung
                                 The animal wanders off
                                 To write in the sun

I told

The sun flashed
Across the fern
It is the same sun
I saw with it there

     Awake

Mixtures fly everywhere
A wisp of brightness
Fear, dwelling
A butterfly captured

     Fear

Listening to others
It is lost
The walking stick falls
I am but elsewhere

    Gone

Disappointed in the salt
There is no strength
To just say your mind
And I left in silence

Emily's Room

Let me walk in
And sit for a while
I know it will bother you
Can I offer a smile
Can I tell you here
Within these walls
Can I take away your nervousness
Can I talk away your falls
And there in your bun
And there in your dress
Can I tell you in the future
You will become impressed
Can I sit by your feet and
Widdle away the hours
Can I sit here and listen
As you write with your powers
And finally will you let me
Just understand your pain
Stay for a while
With nothing to gain
And then when I close the door
And leave your little room
Can you tell me your secret
Of encountering this doom
For you've impressed
This lady of two
With just your wisdom
And the soul within you.

Quiet of the Room

From the quiet of the room
She writes
A little girl in pigtales
With all her might
She is scribbling in her diary
All her dreams
She is missing out all her screams
She is protecting those with
No words
And hiding under the covers
Quite disturbed
And quietly with her pen
She writes
Its all there, as she fights
Some extra horror that she
Knows
Her tears have come to blows
She has written for hours
And no one knows
Just horror stories
That no one sees
Her tear drops as you please
But when she goes to
Hand it on
All she says is
Who cares anyway
No one will respond

Little Girl Remembers

The little girl lays there
Not saying a word
There is a quiet hush
She is becoming disturbed
Her mouth wants to scream
And her feet want to run
But she just stays there
Hating this fun
There is a man to the right
Standing up tall
Her mind there sitting
It is about to fall
And there in front of her
She sees a circle or two
And her mind just blank
And she has a deep breath anew
She is but young
Living in this monsters world
There to the right
The memory is becoming unfurled
And how does she cope
With this monsters awful stare
She just says "Forget it"
And the memory returns to its lair

Seasons Change

Through the winter rain
The lone leaf stood strongly still
Until the spring time

When the flowers rose
The willows made friends with birds
And the sky lit up

To tell you in soft
Reaches that life is but change
Winds it's memory

Just for a Moment

The sea salt raises on the beach
In bubbles
A surprise on the horizon
To the castaway, who surviving
On nothing, sees
An image of the boat
Signalling like crazy
As the boat comes to shore
Their footsteps linger in the
Soft wet sand
We are here to help you
And as you reach out
After years of pain
As a castaway
You realise
That your hand goes through
The mirage
And crying you weep

He did not make it

A slight rain
Came over the bus stop
As the little boy
With the balloon
Stands with you
He feels disjointed
You speak to him
Knowing his pain
The bus stop is clear
The road busy
And you stand for
Just a moment
Telling him
About your days
And you turn away
Realising the bus
Has arrived
And you talk
Slowly into your iphone
Not realising
The boy did not get on
And all you hear from
The distance
Is, "I'm sorry"
And the balloon flying upwards



This poem is dedicated to a 19 year old survivor, whom chose a different path to me in life.

May he rest in peace.

Dany 1993 to August 2012

The Note

It caught your eye
That little girl
Holding the note
That felt so unreal

It came across you
As you wandered past
Scurrying quickly
Way too fast

She stands in purple
Her hair tied in bows
A tear there welling
While no one knows

And she just sits there
Listening to what you say
Remembering back
Remembering yesterday

She could say something
Risk it all
Prepare herself for the
Sudden fall

Toss all those images
From her soul beware
And just trust
That others will care

But as you lean closer
To what she says
What has been giving her
Sleepless days

What horror she holds
She cannot say
The images live within her
Night and day

She sits there
Scribbles something down
Her tears there welling
Her forehead in a frown

And there she holds it
She makes it mine
She holds up a note
Simply reading "I'm fine"

Such

He was just a bad writer, not knowing what to do

We had a chat, a talk about writing too

And thats where I left him, I could not beware

For it reminded me of the past, that awful stuck lair


And I waited for a while, uncomfortably long

I thought he challenged me with another, feeling so strong

I got a bad impression, was he just like those guys

Would this happen again, I said, ever so wise


And I was told people would help, but I gave up there

For if you grew up with it, they don't really care

Would you wait and wonder, just what will happen next

Will they force you again, force you to have sex


The debate such continues, alone in your head

That old mode of thinking, sometimes you would rather be dead

For its what my dad did, many years ago

Reliving itself in this chatting, ever so slow


I get trapped, I run, I get trapped again, cannot escape

I remember back when I scream, I get upset, I repeat the words; that hate

A little girl crying out just waiting to be heard

Unsure what to do, feeling unheard


For the past replays itself, in your head

Just as you learnt to tie your shoelaces

Or eat crust on your bread

You learn how to relate, with your mum and dad

And there it repeats again and again making you sad


Not sure what to do, not sure what is said

I suppose you just have to trust that thought in your head

And here I am wishing again to forget the past

So AGAIN, I wont have to face this, as it sits and lasts


I can't give you the answers, I have not figured it yet

For I was treated with misery with utter regret

But once I break free, I will understand it then

I know I will get over it, with the help of such friends.

All in This Together

I was fortunate enough to be involved with many others in creating the following song:

Enjoy.

All in This Together.

http://soundcloud.com/catch-music-and-wam/catch-music-and-wam-all-in

In group sessions, we created a positive message about mental health. Music includes harmonica, guitar, bass, snare drums and slide guitar. Much fun had by all in creating this music.

Concrete

Blue clouds

Writing in the sky

A small room

You walk in

Happy

The door is closed

You really don’t know what

Is really the fuss

You see his face

Its bad news

He asks you to sit

Your mind screams

He has something in his hands

This can’t be good

What you have gone through

Is telling you how bad it is

And you cry

You get up

And run

And run

And run

How can your own

Body betray you

Why does it have to happen

To me

And I collapse to the

Concrete

And Cry

Knowing

There is no escape

No escape

Just no escape

And you pick yourself

Up and continue

With the screaming in your head

The constant screaming

It becomes silence it is so loud

You pause

You cry more

You pause

And the screaming comes back

They give you a million things

To do

But the screaming is there….

For

You know

There is no cure