$5.00 Death

My father sold me to other men for oral sex for $5.00. I died inside every time. It happened many times when I was 4-6 years old. I was also used for making child pornography.

by Gabriel Orion Marie
http://gabrielorionmarie.com

Her Fathers Legacy

the girl huddled next to her school desk, covering her work quickly
uses the eraser three times, not getting it down, not understanding

--he will be there tonight -- I know you don't want to hear

write a story about menace she thought -- her task not healthy
it was hard to describe her life, her best friend not knowing

-- the fear will make you sick -- Quick turn away, leave the little girl alone

her mum not understanding, the sister she must protect, silent
hiding, waiting, running away, she huddled closer to her pen

-- trapped with him, his face will distort your memories -- Am I making you uncomfortable?

erasing more and more lines, it was the fear that got to her
but she must be strong, keep him away, while writing slowly about nothing

-- there is no escape, even if you try -- You cannot hear this, you say

and with the pen, she stopped, emotionless -- her pen down, shoulders hunched
she had nothing to write about, but rainbows and dancing in the sun

-- no one will believe you, to run you will just be returned - Well just stop reading

the menace had been that good, that precise
that even a little girl felt trapped -- when writing alone

he scared her to a point where it was easier to forget
and erase the page

the menace that is at every turn,

and leaves her chasing butterflies, in the fields

A Circle before Jail

Writing about the fairy circle is hard, she thought
It was an old tradition, passed down and down -- don't you have one?

-- a water tradition?

She would stand in the middle of her room
All painted in yellow, wearing a pretty dress, pigtales

-- perhaps a special saying?

Taking the dust from the bottle -- purple to be precise
May, I excuse you sir -- it had to be purple

-- special teddy bear -- am I reminding you?

She disappeared into her world of safety, her world of delight
Doing a fairy dust circle, sprinkling her childhood memory

-- Is was but years later

She remembered why, why the fairy dust circle was there
It was for the monsters -- for that ugly smiling one

-- Hidden in the cupboard, dark

Her fathers smile would bring her nightmares
Screams, of weird fright, illusions of the night

-- Nightmare under the covers, dare to be spoken

The circling fan, that made noises, praying
The creaks, squeals and whistles -- as she listened to his footsteps

-- Noises that go bump in the night, it was real

She would sit in her circle, protected
A childs' remedy -- a childs' delight, safe in her minds eye

-- Today in her office

Sits a circle painting, slowly she smiles
And she stares at it, softly -- as they walk into the room

In Inverted Commas

He told me to leave it
And I took it out on him
"What nonsense was this"
I thought quietly
I told others
"That guy told me to leave it"
And it did not make sense
So I left
And then understood
Why
And now I thank him
For telling me to leave

The Cross

I saw a note today
In the middle
Of the road
It was not a simple note
It was a cross
Like one you put
In your Aunty's birthday card
A faux I love you
But this was no
I love you
This was a cross to
Remind me
Of the terror
Of the forgotten things
And how love
Can go horribly wrong
This was where
I was abused
And they marked it
With a cross.

Prezi - But I am Your Voice by Whitedove

But I am Your Voice on Prezi

My childhood memories

My childhood memories

Silent bird calls
Creaking houses
Noises from corners
She sits
Writing
On her notepad
Whirring of the fridge
Noises, coughs, beeps
From out the back
    She pauses to hear
    A door closing
    Footsteps
    Down the hall
    Walking forward
    Pausing
    Not scary
    Hiding looking
    For hiding spots
The fridge makes a noise
The birds stop
Birds flying outside
Sunlight drifts in
A deep breath
Difficult day
Eyes glinting
In the morning
    Hidden she is
    From his glare
    He cannot see her
    Under the bed
    She sits there listening
    Waiting
    Waiting for the footsteps
    To wander on down the hall
    Waiting
    Scared
    Nothing
    Surreal
Shadecloth
Shadows
Fireplace
Creaking of the walls
Silence
Humming of the fridge
Tv off
Light across the wire
    It continues past the door
    Into the kitchen
    Where there is no noise
    I wait
    Wait scared surreal
    Springs under the mattress
    Gazing outside
    Seeing no escape
    Hoping for escape
    Nothing there
    No one there
    But him
Dogs barking
In the distance
As I remember
Sitting here
My childhood memories

Cannot remember

You sat there
Seeing it happen
Before your eyes
In your mind

Amazement at the
Loss of memory
Where I was
Upset at the place

You saw it in your mind
A locked closet
You turn to
Face the mystery

And by the orchard
You explain
Why you
Cannot remember

Deck of Hearts

MMp-stock [link] and [link]

CelticStrm-stock [link]

Luciaraio [link]

Setsuna222 [link]

PPBB [link]

Kaitrosebd-Stock [link]

Cards You Are Dealt

Cards You are Dealt by Whitedove
Stock Thanks to
http://setsuna22.deviantart.com/
http://celticstrm-stock.deviantart.com/
http://luciaraio.deviantart.com/
http://mmp-stock.deviantart.com/



I told

The sun flashed
Across the fern
It is the same sun
I saw with it there

     Awake

Mixtures fly everywhere
A wisp of brightness
Fear, dwelling
A butterfly captured

     Fear

Listening to others
It is lost
The walking stick falls
I am but elsewhere

    Gone

Disappointed in the salt
There is no strength
To just say your mind
And I left in silence

In desperation there is love

In desperation there is love

Stock thanks to
Portraitz [link]
Book-of-Light Stock [link]
Adaae-Stock [link]
Chamber Stock [link]
Glamorous Acid Stock [link]
JoannaStar stock [link]
Markopolio Stock [link]

Little Girl Remembers

The little girl lays there
Not saying a word
There is a quiet hush
She is becoming disturbed
Her mouth wants to scream
And her feet want to run
But she just stays there
Hating this fun
There is a man to the right
Standing up tall
Her mind there sitting
It is about to fall
And there in front of her
She sees a circle or two
And her mind just blank
And she has a deep breath anew
She is but young
Living in this monsters world
There to the right
The memory is becoming unfurled
And how does she cope
With this monsters awful stare
She just says "Forget it"
And the memory returns to its lair

Seasons Change

Through the winter rain
The lone leaf stood strongly still
Until the spring time

When the flowers rose
The willows made friends with birds
And the sky lit up

To tell you in soft
Reaches that life is but change
Winds it's memory

Willow Tree

There beside the Willow Tree
Where I am sitting with you beside me
I have an umbrella, you sit there straight
Legs out stretched, met by fate

And there it took my breath away
I still feel its heat, still feel it's sway
My mind awash, forgetting it so
That image there that no one knows

And still you sit, not understanding why
It makes me shake; yet to cry
I wish to tell you, but it will make it true
To just whisper the words, there to you

So at the moment I will remain so
Quietly drifting to and fro
In this willow tree, safe and strong
Knowing this is where I belong.

It's All Roses

Thanks for those who provided Stock for "It's All Roses"

FoxStox [link]
Fallin Stock [link]
Saikochan Stock [link]
Kuschelirmel-stock [link]
domitar [link]
Enchantedgal Stock [link]
Two Ladies Stocks [link]
KopaBill-Stock [link]
ItHasTeeth [link]

Venom

She sits there
Surrounded by her spiders
Her adoring spiders
Lovely, she works amongst them
In the zoo
Petting them, being with them
Understanding them
Her thin rimmed glasses
Hiding her smiling eyes
As she sits there
And feeds her next spider
Flies, slowly one by one
With tweezers
She lovingly milks their venom
Slowly day by day
So that others will
Get the livesaving drops
And as she reaches down
She feels her leg
It is now plastic
Where they had to
Cut it off
To save her life
Because her pet spider
Nearly killed her
And she looks at you
With lovely caring eyes
Saying
Now I surround myself with spiders
So you don't have to endure

Soul to the Moonlight

   

Can you see it Dwelling within my soul That silent memory Hurting me internally And as I see it There trembling in its mystery I walk slowly And touch it, it burns me With a deep intensity that I run That I cry, and do not return And chose to forget its mystery And I sit down, with the flowerpots behind me And stir my teacup in the shadowed sunlight Many years later And notice my hand shaking It is the memory Resurfacing, just as I stir my tea And I forget And then as I plant the flower The following spring In the pots, the hot sun Causing beads of sweat on my forehead I notice my breath is gone Not because of the weather But the silent memory And as I watch the tv, I realise The memory does not go The memory will return And the only way to resolve it Is to show its Soul to the moonlight. Don't run from it, turn and face it.

Move on to

Theres a slight sound playing

That is right we were

And I was happy

Elated, full on with

Something

Like a build up

To something else

But then

I realised

That really

There was no one

In this world

That could help

Except me

There were comments

Many

When I started thinking

About it

Then I realised

How important I was

A tingle

Just how important

And it was

So simple in

The end

When before

I did not have this

So I had to let you go

So I could go forward

Into what I was thinking about

And that makes me

Cry.

Because what I had to move onto

Was me.

Such

He was just a bad writer, not knowing what to do

We had a chat, a talk about writing too

And thats where I left him, I could not beware

For it reminded me of the past, that awful stuck lair


And I waited for a while, uncomfortably long

I thought he challenged me with another, feeling so strong

I got a bad impression, was he just like those guys

Would this happen again, I said, ever so wise


And I was told people would help, but I gave up there

For if you grew up with it, they don't really care

Would you wait and wonder, just what will happen next

Will they force you again, force you to have sex


The debate such continues, alone in your head

That old mode of thinking, sometimes you would rather be dead

For its what my dad did, many years ago

Reliving itself in this chatting, ever so slow


I get trapped, I run, I get trapped again, cannot escape

I remember back when I scream, I get upset, I repeat the words; that hate

A little girl crying out just waiting to be heard

Unsure what to do, feeling unheard


For the past replays itself, in your head

Just as you learnt to tie your shoelaces

Or eat crust on your bread

You learn how to relate, with your mum and dad

And there it repeats again and again making you sad


Not sure what to do, not sure what is said

I suppose you just have to trust that thought in your head

And here I am wishing again to forget the past

So AGAIN, I wont have to face this, as it sits and lasts


I can't give you the answers, I have not figured it yet

For I was treated with misery with utter regret

But once I break free, I will understand it then

I know I will get over it, with the help of such friends.