On the edge

In time this will be

Wind on my heart

Wind on my Heart



Wind on My Heart

Two little girls
Step one by one along the path
Followed closely behind
By their mum.
The blonde girls turn to their mum
And see in the sky a quiet wind
Pointing, they notice
Layers of lovehearts
Multicoloured
Drifting in the breeze
Held by string
And the mum does not see it
She is watching the monsters behind
Keeping their nasty
Fire, their brimstone at bay
The footpath full of grass
"The hearts are so pretty" says the little girls
Laughing and giggling
The monster from the back
Breathing words of fire
Attacking, wanting the little girls
The mother puts her arms out
Lets balance girls
On the footpath
And the little girls enjoy the sunshine
Playing games in the spectacle
Looking forward, to the brightly coloured
Fireworks
And all they feel from the
Monster
Is the Wind on My Heart



Protect your children. Let them paint and draw love hearts, rather than be abused by who abused you. Stand in between the abuser and never let them past.

Faith of the Heart

It's been a long road
Getting from there to here
It's been a long time
But my time is finally near

And I can feel the change in the wind right now
Nothing's in my way
And they're not gonna hold me down no more
No they're not gonna hold me down

'Cause I've got faith of the heart
I'm going where my heart will take me
I've got faith to believe
I can do anything
I've got strength of the soul
And no one's gonna bend or break me
I can reach any star
I've got faith, I’ve got faith, faith of the heart

It's been a long night
Trying to find my way
Been through the darkness
Now I've finally have my day

And I will see my dream come alive at last
I will touch the sky
And they're not gonna hold me down no more
No they're not gonna change my mind

'Cause I've got faith of the heart
I'm going where my heart will take me
I've got faith to believe
I can do anything
I've got strength of the soul
And no one's gonna bend or break me
I can reach any star
I've got faith, faith of the heart

I've known the wind so cold, and seen the darkest days.
But now the winds I feel, are only winds of change.
I've been through the fire and I've been through the rain.
But I'll be fine.

Cause I've got faith of the heart
I'm going where my heart will take me
I've got faith to believe
I can do anything
I've got strength of the soul
And no one's gonna bend or break me
I can reach any star
I've got faith

I've got faith of the heart.
I'm going where my heart will take me.
I've got strength of the soul. And no one's gonna bend or break me.
I can reach any star. I've got faith, I've got faith, faith of the heart.

It's been a long road. 

Reveal

She has a Fringe with a curl

The man stood in the corner, I was so scared

He handed out tickets, To the public beware

I saw just saw a glimpse, Not knowing him there

Surrounded by statues, Without such a care


And there he served little kids, And there he saw me

Sitting in the corner, As quiet as can be

I did not know who he was, But all I knew was his might

I began to feel those feelings, I had been hiding within my light


He gave his little speech, they cheered him such a store

He stood behind the counter, Watching you forever more

A little girl of five, You wander quietly

And take his little ticket, As quickly as can be


And the little girl, begins to fuss and beam

Constantly calling out, to her mummy in her screams

She picks up the knife, All covered in blood

The man falls to the ground, Red becomes the flood


And she just stands there, Her mummy comforts her so

Her shame now lost, Forever in a glow

And when the police question her, Security beware

The girl sits staring, at the teddy bear with care


And all she keeps repeating, Is just what he did

How he humilated her, The sin he hid

What he made her do, for that little ticket there

The torture that he gave, without such a care


And as the crowds dissapate, and wander back to home

The news stories told, repeated in chrome

And the police leave her be, For she is just a little girl

She jumps over skipping rope, she has a fringe with a curl

Believe

Arrow in Her Back

Slowly standing, the lady in red

The forest in the foreground

The Tree back in stead

Its noisy She Says

As she whispers to you

Silently in a message

Here, I will support you

And you wonder who she is

And you wonder if she cares

Because darn wizz, you need someone there

She offers you a number

Sitting there hoping you call

For Her in her red dress

The arrow is about to fall

So the red dressed lady

Just sit here and waits

Capturing the moment

Before Love and Hate

A transit

Ritual Abuse Conference CT

http://ritualabuse.us/smart-conference/



The 15th Annual Ritual Abuse, Secretive Organizations and Mind Control Conference

August 10 – 12, 2012

DoubleTree near
Bradley International Airport
16 Ella Grasso Turnpike
Windsor Locks, CT

Internet conference information:
http://ritualabuse.us/smart-conference/

2011 Ritual Abuse Conference CDs are now available http://ritualabuse.us/smart-conference/2011-conference/

Conference Goals
- To help stop future occurrences of ritual abuse
- To help survivors of ritual abuse
- To name the groups that have participated in alleged illegal activities
- To unite those working to stop ritual abuse

Conference Schedule
There will be a small get together, deli dinner, dessert and early registration for pre-registered attendees only, on August 10, Friday evening. The conference will be all day on Saturday August 11 and Sunday August 12. Please check our conference home page for the latest conference schedule information. Some presentations will also be recorded.

Such

He was just a bad writer, not knowing what to do

We had a chat, a talk about writing too

And thats where I left him, I could not beware

For it reminded me of the past, that awful stuck lair


And I waited for a while, uncomfortably long

I thought he challenged me with another, feeling so strong

I got a bad impression, was he just like those guys

Would this happen again, I said, ever so wise


And I was told people would help, but I gave up there

For if you grew up with it, they don't really care

Would you wait and wonder, just what will happen next

Will they force you again, force you to have sex


The debate such continues, alone in your head

That old mode of thinking, sometimes you would rather be dead

For its what my dad did, many years ago

Reliving itself in this chatting, ever so slow


I get trapped, I run, I get trapped again, cannot escape

I remember back when I scream, I get upset, I repeat the words; that hate

A little girl crying out just waiting to be heard

Unsure what to do, feeling unheard


For the past replays itself, in your head

Just as you learnt to tie your shoelaces

Or eat crust on your bread

You learn how to relate, with your mum and dad

And there it repeats again and again making you sad


Not sure what to do, not sure what is said

I suppose you just have to trust that thought in your head

And here I am wishing again to forget the past

So AGAIN, I wont have to face this, as it sits and lasts


I can't give you the answers, I have not figured it yet

For I was treated with misery with utter regret

But once I break free, I will understand it then

I know I will get over it, with the help of such friends.

All in This Together

I was fortunate enough to be involved with many others in creating the following song:

Enjoy.

All in This Together.

http://soundcloud.com/catch-music-and-wam/catch-music-and-wam-all-in

In group sessions, we created a positive message about mental health. Music includes harmonica, guitar, bass, snare drums and slide guitar. Much fun had by all in creating this music.

Concrete

Blue clouds

Writing in the sky

A small room

You walk in

Happy

The door is closed

You really don’t know what

Is really the fuss

You see his face

Its bad news

He asks you to sit

Your mind screams

He has something in his hands

This can’t be good

What you have gone through

Is telling you how bad it is

And you cry

You get up

And run

And run

And run

How can your own

Body betray you

Why does it have to happen

To me

And I collapse to the

Concrete

And Cry

Knowing

There is no escape

No escape

Just no escape

And you pick yourself

Up and continue

With the screaming in your head

The constant screaming

It becomes silence it is so loud

You pause

You cry more

You pause

And the screaming comes back

They give you a million things

To do

But the screaming is there….

For

You know

There is no cure

Fast Asleep

The song beats

Drum kit comes in

Some words

A chorus

About

Unknown things

Drifting you back

In time

A knot in your stomach

As the music

Beats

Of how the artist

Tries

Some words

Unknown

But the chorus

Sings out

At you

That switch

That collects you

The beat that

Seems to call out your name

You turn it up

High

Because it says

Exactly how you feel

Their struggle becomes

Yours

And the drift of the music

The quietness

Says exactly

What you wish you

Could

They capture it

Just for you

To listen, in the car

The house

Your mind

That jingle

Until

In a moment to song stops

And you go forward

Knowing that song

Will always be there

I'm Wide Awake

Dim Light Fading

In a line

They choose you

And you feel so wonderful

Alone in your glory

Staring up at the stars

In the sky – thank you God

You say

But then as the line gets shorter

You sit there

And realise

That no one is left

And there is only you waiting

For a blackened tree

And the dim light fading

The Girl and her Ice cube

The little girl
Near the sun
With its rays
Striking out
Holds in her hand
An icecube
And looks at it
Thinking
It will melt the sun
And you sit there
And look at the little girl
In all her futility
Hope against hope
That that little icecube
Will actually make a difference
To the suns shining rays
Laughing at her
I mean hysterical laughter at her
"Its crazy" you say to her
That won't work at all
It will fry before it even gets there
The sun is so hot, it will just
Turn to steam
"Don't throw it" "You can't really think that will work"
"No way in the world will that work"
And another hysterical laugh bellows from your mouth
Alone the little girl stands in her belief, the taunts she takes
And so reaching back
She throws it
And it lands near your feet
And seeing it you realise
What the little girl is saying

Surviving – the After Effects of Sexual Abuse

Online exhibition and presentation.

“Surviving – the After Effects of Sexual Abuse”, at http://renewthruimagination.wordpress.com , is a permanent online art exhibition on surviving and healing from sexual abuse and sexual assault.  The presentation identifies the emotional, psychological, and behaviour difficulties of survivors; and consists of forty mixed media Mandela-shaped images, which is divided into six stages: Minimize, Silence, Respond, Destruct, Relate, and Heal.

The art show aims to: encourage a greater number of persons to embark on a healing process; compliment survivors’ therapeutic process; support facilities which provide services for survivors of abuse and assault; and contribute to an open dialogue to help solve the problems surrounding it.

Thank you for your interest in the exhibition; I hope you find the project beneficial to your own, your family, and your partner’s healing process.

Lost Red Clouds

A little boy stands solidly against the white wall

Telling you, what is wrong

Making mistakes, you remind him

Of what is correct

His leg moves about

He forgets things

Does he know what is coming

Does he know the pain you just went through

Does he understand the anguish

In getting to where he was?

He did not know

Is he blaming me?

A little girl sits on the bed

Going through the same stuff as always

And after all the reading

And all the people

He sits there and dumbfounded

Does not know

He had just done something

Standing there

Watching the tears

For there

Is no answers, no understanding

Just lost red clouds in the sky

Love

Love/Hate

Alexias Morris

Poem Instruction:

Alexias Morris - You're worst person in the world. Said like you dread. Alexiaaaaaaas Morrrrrrris (thump your hand - Its Alexias Morris you are writing about) Alexias Morris Poem She was but a fragment of mind Helped me get out of a bind It was not really what she said By how I took there and hid She was Alexias Morris Yes, Alexias Morris Played a scrabble moonlight Ever feeling so tight Her voice was so high pitched She was but a miss She was Alexias Morris You wanted to watch However it seemed to be squashed Wanting to count But forever she mounts She was Alexias Morris You had such a test It seemed like a mess You wondered what's best She was like the rest She was Alexias Morris And when you were so upset She gave not a rest She was just not there She would not but care She was Alexias Morris You wondered if you Were feeling so blue Were you turned back the front Not caring; it was just her stunt She was Alexias Morris And out of a dream Came this poem so mean You wish you could count 1234 It was but a doubt She was Alexias Morris I know I've been mean Making her scream Turning her inside and out Making her shout She was Alexias Morris So when you see her devine She keeps on your mind Back the front to your own Just remember this poem You've met Alexias Morris And she might be your clone. Alexias Morris Alexias Morris

Twitter

@whitedovesnest

Join me at Twitter at @whitedovesnest. Tweeting about childhood sexual abuse, links, information and resources.

View links and tweets of interest now. Follow me if you have an account.

She is but...

 She can sense it coming

That doom spreading in her body

She is but 12, the age of change

She can see the comet

Coming towards her

Dashing through the sky

In 20 years

She sees it daily

She reports it

To her local authority

‘She is but 12”

They say

And on that day

They are condemning

The human race.

Art Show

While No One Was Watching Survivors of child sexual abuse in art exhibit on this silent epidemic A national tragedy and a health epidemic of shocking proportions are going unnoticed by the media and unaddressed by Americans and our institutions. One in six boys and one in four girls will be sexually abused before age eighteen. “500,000 babies born in the U.S. this year will be sexually abused before 18 if we do not prevent it.” -Darkness to Light organization Sexually-abused girls grow up three times more likely to become drug addicts. Children who’ve been abused generally have higher rates of teen pregnancy, sexually-transmitted disease, depression, hostility, and difficulty forging close relationships. Unbeknownst to most Americans, April is both National Child Abuse Prevention Month, and National Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month. To bring attention to those observances, the International Agency for Minority Artists Affairs presents, “While No One Was Watching,” a group art exhibit to give voice to the silent epidemic of child sexual abuse.


More info at http://iamaagroupartshow-cbchapelle.blogspot.com.au/

Ice creams are only for Angels

Wandering, through the shopping center
She picks a little flower from the
Garden floor
She wanders up to the stall owner
Near his clown trailer, to play
"Win a prize, Win a prize" he says
"Win a prize, win a prize" he says

And you watch, from a distance
In a dream, not really paying much attention
Studying the flower in her hand
You turn your back, if for an instant
And you notice the clown, once
Content, now his face is a tear

Watching the little girl
You have seen her drop the flower
Play with the bottom of her skirt
Twirl and dance away
Lost in her vision,
As she plays and plays

Watching the clowns as they spin
Back and forth, their face stuck
In an internal rhythm
Back and forth
Back and forth

And as you watch her
Twirl, Where are her friends?
She is alone
And in a blink of an eye, your downward gaze
She is gone; the clown sad and lost

And there she is
Screaming, blonde, crying
Tears streaming down her face
Her mother
Crying.

"Where is my daughter"
"where is my daughter"

The clown disappeared, and all you can describe
Is the face, and his tear
And the van
But the precise moment, your
Downward gaze, moved
You were a stranger, watching a girl, dance

And you wander away
Not knowing what to do
For really you can only describe
The simple scene
And remember this
As, Icecreams are only for Angels

Skateboarding the Nullarbor

New look!

Wow, Whitedoves Blog has a new look. Hope you enjoy your visit here. Please feel free to read the comments from readers of the blog and enjoy your time here.

Our main website is at www.whitedovesnest.com.

Currently receiving 250 unique visitors per day on www.whitedovesnest.com. Visits have doubled during 2011.

The Snow Flake

Soft; it rides the wind
So chrystaline does it shine
A tear from heaven

The sun dips slowly
Rotating forward; it dies
Drifts through the mountain

The snowflake lifts fine
And moves slowly on her palm
Sitting upright tall

She touches it fast
The flake folds in her soft hand
Dying, the girl cries

Comparing the flake
To her internal sadness
Melts slowly inside

Never dies

They sit on the pond
Two ducks
Across the lilypad
Backs turned
Unspoken

Invisible net
Not speaking
Silence dwells beneath
The two birds
Stern, the lady
Crosses her wings
Defiant

Silent; the male duck
Is apart, wondering
What did I do?
And there is rainfall
And snow
The pond is frozen

Still they stand
Separate
Different ends of the pond
The distant fights gone
"Stay at your end"
The long ago anger
Disappated
For what is left to say

A hunter
Sees the two ducks
And knows
That he has but one shot
With the two ducks
On the pond
The season is here

Which one does he choose?
He wonders as he sets up the shot
One in daylight
One by a tree
Does it matter which one?

The hunter does not why
He sees the female through the
Guns sights
Slowly; slowly raises and aims
Laying back
He waits

The male duck
Here's but a noise from the
Waters edge
Unknown
He has not seen the hunter
The female
Not knowing
Not seeing for her back is turned
Hears the rustling softly by

Anger, she says
She turns around to confront the duck
Aiming at him
Anger amasses from her
The male duck is moving she thinks!

And across the pond
She flies
As he flies towards her
His journey different
And just when she realises
Why
She hears it
A shot
In the distance

And the piercing cry
Of the bullet
As it strikes through her heart
And pierces his, trying to save her.


Love never dies.

Most beautiful heart

Came across this the other day...

The Spoon Theory

Link to The Spoon Theory. Interesting short story


http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory-written-by-christine-miserandino/

Awareness Article

Awareness Article in Dolly Australia with links on where to go for help and helplines.

Dolly is a popular young teens magazine and website, published for many years in Australia, creating awareness of sexual assault in Australia, with links and stories about the topic.

Congratulations to Dolly for bringing forward awareness of the topic in Australia in their well known magazine.


Link to article "I was sexually assaulted" outlining reality of abuse by stepfather.

http://dolly.ninemsn.com.au/girltalk/realityreads/8427580/i-was-sexually-assaulted

Song

You can't chase the sun

You cant chase the sun
If you are the moon
You cannot run forward
The earth is too soon

For their stands beneath
This unwritten law
Not sure what it is
But it knows the score

And the moon circles around
Its dark side all lost
We see it again
Not paying the costs

And there is the earth
It is attracted to
But it cannot follow the sun
It circles like you

And what can it do
Apart from going on
Effecting the earth
Its tide ever so strong

And some planets have more
Than this little moon
Nothing remarkable
Its getting dark soon

And just when its all
Going so bad
The moon raises it head
And its really not sad

For looking down,
It sees the telescopes
Earths occupants stare
At the moons lovely slopes

And so you see
The man on the moon
Everyone can feel the sun
But looks at you always soon

A stepping stone
The moon rotates
We are all here
In its funny shapes

Its battered and buried
Taking all of the fear
And disappears quick
As the sun comes so near

So when you realise
While the sun is so harsh
The moon has been there
And taken the comets; protecting at last

A horse

A horse

Lets find a place
Where the horses do go
To carry their load
Walking to a fro

And here is one
Saying his peace
Wandering what to do
Waiting at least

And he has carried his load
Too much before
His masters all lost
He's paid the in the law

Making plans for the future
When the past was dead
Wanting to move forward
Moving ahead

He has moved onto pastures
Seeing the green
Passing over his losses
He's stopped being so mean

And there in the distance
The horse will play
For its another sun rise
On this summers day.

Fright Lost

Violins play
Piano notes
I cannot go on
With this sudden pain
The past is history
Moving on
Its gone on too much
I can never stay here
Lost, alone
Again and again
Even though I wish I could stay
I am gone
Hands up
I am alone
Years gone
Forward again
Past is past
Forgetting the pain
Packing my bags
Writing my notes
The saddness will go
The tears will disappear
And finally fright lost
Someone else will appear.

Too late for dirt

The ocean creeps up on the door,
A tear drop falls, near the floor
A little girl crying, a flood of life
Her day a mess, her heart a stife

And she clings to the little dolly
And sucks again on her winter lolly
Seeing in the distance a man of worth
Buried, lying solidly in the earth

And in the mornings she wakes with nightmares
Of thoughts, of hate, of all her hidden scares
And as she sits and shakes, and the symbols play
Its yet another life, yet another frightful day

And all these men, all the same
Playing some type of weird game
She clings to her dolly, once more here
Not knowing when she will be safe, ever near

And she walks into the ocean, dolly in hand
Leaving her life behind, a little hair strand
And no one will ever know how much it all hurt
For her daddy treated her like dirt.

Melbourne, Australia Art Event

sexual abuse pain creativity well being

no longer watching

from behind the curtain



beautiful mosaics created by women

exploring creativity transformation beauty

31 January- 28 February 2012

Queen Victoria Women’s Centre

210 Lonsdale Street Melbourne VIC 3000





EXHIBITION DETAILS

Queen Victoria Women’s Centre Gallery

8.30am to 5.00pm, Monday to Friday

P: (03) 8668 8100

E venues@qvwc.org.au

W: www.qvwc.org.au



SECASA provides a range of services to support people affected by

sexual abuse. Amongst these are creative workshops for women.

Freedom Picture

Merry Christmas

My path

Piano beat
Breath
Alone
Running
Signs
Long words
Lost in the beat
Symbols appearing
Meaning everything
And nothing
Another breath
Where was I
It is now a memory
Running
Lines
Houses from the past
Streets make my life
Memories thread all over me
Lost
Shaking shoulders
Not forgotten
With me forever
Hatred
Distress
The beat changes
Not my fault
Left behind
Move on
Passing memories
Moving forward
Positive
Future
No changing
Fast
Time taken
Relief
Relief
Relief
Relief
Relief
Relief
Relief
Relief
Relief

What would you think

And if you were in the room
Giving birth to the world
And you could hear a piano
People demanding
But your job was to
Bear humanity
And you thoughts go
Through the earth and
Pass onto your children
What would you think
Would you think
War
Peace
Love
Anger
Positive
Major
Fine
Strong
Live
Beat
Hate
Line

Love Haiku

The winter is gone
Bright sun smothers the sky blue
Love is found today

You're the Voice

Left to..

The beat thumps
I remember back
A tear drops
An umbrella slides
I run to the street
I see everyone
And everything
Crying and anger
The guitar strum
A generation in my net
My leg bounces
In anticipation
As I remember
What this song
Means
And there is no fright
There is just
Listening to the song
That I nearly
Left to......


Inspired by Bob Sinclair - Soul Generation

There they are

Just when you are feeling down
Like nothing in this world
Will care
No one to cry to
No one to be there
And you cry to a god
That does not exist
Where just where
Send me someone
Please just someone to care
And your tears
Drop unknown
By your side

And then when you just
Need something
A change
A simple change
Knowing that nothing can
Make you feel
You walk in
And there sitting beside you
Is just a familiar face
A familar smile
Just a tad older
Someone to count on
Who you trust and understand
And you know them
Though you just met
And there is that feeling
You were just missing
Knowing that it is ok to
Care
Because they do

14th November 2011

Walking in a Straight Line

Bronte's Story on Anorexia

Don't give up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


http://news.ninemsn.com.au/national/8358088/brontes-story-anorexia-teen-marries

Sitting on the dock of the bay....

A friend

She screams at you every night
And cuddles you every day
And cries beneath the sheets
In some fantastic way

And she makes you go here and there
And she flits without such a care
And she runs around full steam ahead
And throws around that brown little bear

And she sits and stares at little white balloon
And cries and howls at the full moon
And loves you with all delight
And then hates you with such sudden fright

And then finally after so many years
Of being forgotten through so many tears
You get reminded every now and again
You only need to look inside to find a lovely friend

My Little Pumpkin Vine

I always wished I had a pumpkin vine
And then I grew one within my spine
Tending nicely, eating slow
Running to and running fro

And there she was, all lovely and fine
A little plant, I knew she was mine
Was there something wrong, the gardener said
I cried a bit, but everything was fed

And as I watched, that pumpkin grow
Oh how I loved this plant and so
A little bit, every day
A little sprout, a leaf I say

It sits there; turns away to the sun
A little bit each day and has some fun
I water it every now and again
And give some fertiliser and when

And I teach it to love to hear me sing
And I take it under my loving wing
And then every now and again it smiles
That little pumpkin vine; worthwhiles

And then that pumpkin vine falls asleep
I cover it at night in a sheet
That pumpkin vine, so high and low
My pumpkin vine, how I love you so

Whitedove

A bird flying,

Its wings soaring through the sky,

Love floats in the air, no; I’m not lying.

It travels over mountains, water, trees, and cities.

This white dove is as peaceful as can be,



A very pretty bird- as the little girls think,

I love this dove, my heart sinks when I see it.

This dove, is my mother.

What is the bridge

Hold my hand on the island
Fill the ocean on its shores
Watch the seashells in the moonlight
See the sand as it pours

Sit by the berm in the daylight
Rest my head for a while
Not understanding what is happening
Silence is the best as we file

The bridge is a bit weary
The forest black from fires beware
Something swift hit the island softly
Turned our backs of something with care

Heaven is not always perfect
Hell can always slowly seep in
For you see you will never recognise
What has really ever happened with a sin

And have you ever wondered
Really what is that little bridge
That keeps us hanging together
Hiding there over that ridge

It keeps the ocean at bay
Sturdy however that may be
I close the door on it every now and again
And cry and cry at it every day

And I only just really recognised what it was
As I swiftly wrote out this little note
For the bridge is our love
Slowly joining us, over the moat.

And the little crystal I place in the middle
Is a reminder there to you
You are not alone on your island
Your island is now made for two

Not yet.

I once knew a little girl
Who sat by the door
Writing letters
Calling, visiting
Seeing if she could find
A pure heart.
For she thought none existed
A tear drops
As she writes, day after day
Telling why
Telling how
Searching
Hearing birds and angels
Saying...
It does not exist
Silently
Praying that it does
Seeking one after the other
A slow tweet, a soul here and there
To be found.... but alas
It was not to be
A number tell her
Be careful
Her thoughts say
But...it could be
She returns to searching
Writing, wondering
Being turned away
Questioned
Being told no
Not possible
Never
Grown up with a black heart
Does it exist
She keeps seeking
That little girl
Tries again
In vain
For there must be someone out there
That will
Not do this
All over again

From the mouth of a child

A little white room
On the edge
Of a world, vast
And within the room
Stands a little girl
With pig tails, tied in blue
Dressed in a little white dress
With neat little white shoes
And she is asked
"What will you fill this room with"
And she lifts her eyelids heaven wards
A slow tear drop falls
Her gaze slips slowly to the ground
She circles her foot on the floor
Pondering
Staring out the window
Through the night
To a tree
In the distance
And then slowly she realises
It's the basic thought
That everyone wants

And as the tear slowly melts to the ground

"I fill this room with love"

Lecture

The Date Safe Project

Visit www.datesafeproject.com for more information

WHILE NO ONE WAS WATCHING: Fifteen artists join voices to bring tumultuous, c...

WHILE NO ONE WAS WATCHING: Fifteen artists join voices to bring tumultuous, c...: "For Immediate Release       April 13, 2011 While No One Was Watching Survivors of child sexual abuse in art exhibit on this silent epidemic..."

Not that hard to find

Things are fully strange and weird
And everythings not there quite right
They are all there left of centre
Displayed and quite full of fright

And it just seems like a full on nightmare
Searching through rooms and rooms
Looking for no one that is there
Not finding you through all the doom

And someone is following me around
Its called a thought of screaming denial
All dressed up in pretty flowing ribbons
Calling out through love and running fruit trials

And houses are there out of whack
And animals not joined together quite full steam ahead
And outside thoughts toss over in my mind
And everything is very wrong instead

And everybody sits there and waits
While the denial just sorts through my mind
For the truth is always out there
Its really not that hard to find.

When the World Would Prefer Silence

Submitted by Casey - a survivor


She speaks when the world

Would prefer silence

Words stumble

Over her tongue, teeth, lips

memories

Tears act as barriers

To both her speech and hearing

The world avoids emotions



Glares given because

she is the breaking

the cyclic silence

Generations old

do not help her pain



Sad eyes connecting to mouths

From which weighty “I’m sorry”s escape

Harming more than helping her

Eternally unable to take away

Or nullify

The violations of his hands

Unwanted, and wandering

the frozen body

Of a woman unsure of why

Her friend is betraying her

As her tears stream

And she whimpers in pain

A hand covers her mouth

From which noise escapes



The kisses neither he nor she

cared about end

As has his imminent touching ensues

He lowers her garments swiftly

And forces his entrance through

Her private gates



Deeply his hands penetrate

Carving swelling paths

To deeper pain

She is the victim of subterfuge

Lies awake

Her body is sleeping in shock

She manages to whisper “stop” into

The hand arresting her mouth



The perpetrator holds down her wrists

And presses himself hard on

Her weak and quiet body

As he speaks the words

“You’re okay”

Like the crimes committed

Were not meant “that way”

Silence overcomes

The pained whisperer

The subterfugist pins her down

And tears fall towards the ground

Silence is overcoming

As the dominant man heaves breaths

On the forced sub-missive’s face



The broken woman feign’s sleep

And the breaker moves away

It is the beginning of a second day

Of which the first never ended

And now pain overrides her

And she cannot speak

Of the atrocities he committed

which harmed her

For hours or more

After the havoc wreaking

Monster disappeared

From her bedroom floor



When the silence is broken

By a stuttering text

To a friend

Tears flowed again

Sent to somewhere safe to be

A place where words could escape

Without fear of increased

Induced pain



The silence is breaking

With each word escaping

Stumbling over her tongue, teeth, lips

And Memories of horrible

Atrocities



She speaks when the world

Would prefer she kept silent

Regretting the whispers

Of “This happened to me”

And wishing her heart could believe

Her mind as it screams

“What happened to me was not my fault”

“What happened to me was not my fault”

“What happened to me was not my fault”



.(Thanks to StaceyAnn Chin for inspiration in the last lines).

Lean on Me

Ice Tear Drop

She sits alone near the lake

Once happy here

The seasons change

And it is surrounded

By dead trees

And frosted nights

She revisited

In hopes, that the

Lake had unfrozen

That the waters shone again

But all that was left

Was her tear drop

Sliding across the ice.

Deep breath

Time taken to write a story
Words carefully spoken outloud
Hidden silent within times spaces
A hidden frown, a nightmare finally said so proud

One key typed after another
Depicting a horror nightmare to unfold
Something that was to be visited
In nightmares, in visions, in turmoil, untold

Alone, frightened and suddenly fearful
This is not supposed to happen; especially to me
The sickening memory to stay with us
Shared silently; here let it be

And really there is nothing that can be done,
Apart from share it hear amongst friends
Describe the horror so eloquently
A silent tear drop, the weight carried as it ends.

Hero

In those million grains of sand

I wonder if you still think about me
As I sit here and listen to our song
The one you did not know was ours
Staring at numbers on a lonely street
Sitting across from a cafe that you
Will never see
Embarking in something
You will never know about

Did I really scare you that much?
That you could not call out my name
That you would rather run
Than cross this road with me

There is truth
There is such a thing as love
May you find your cloud
And may you find your crystal
Within those million grains of sand

Masks

DNA

Girl with flower
Wanders
Across
The park
Green fields of grass
To the tower
Of stairs
Looking up
Sees
The tall building
In the clouds
Trees
Step by step
She climbs
Around and around
Taking your hand
"Here it is"
She says
To you
And as you look in wonder
You turn
as you both reach the top
Surrounded in wonder
And she reaches out
And gives you a flower
Hand in hand
Gazing out
Over the river
Joined by the crisscross
Of dna and a hug

Little Girl Running

Running silently from the classroom
Little girl crying with sudden tears
A quiet little sentence
In amongst the bullies fears

He passed it to me slowly
I was a little blonde girl all of eight
Swinging on my chair in the teachers room
As she did the sums and spellings all of late

And he looked at me so solemnly
The quiet boy in the room
I had been watching him for a while
But really had not noticed him so soon

And in this little note was how
He was living here of late
Of how this person was visiting him
And doing things of horror and hate

And as I read and read
Of what this note contained
I realised why this boy was silent
The horror deeply ingrained

And swinging back on my chair
More horror yet to come
A slow tear began to trickle
And I got up from my seat and began to run

The other side of the playground
And there I began to shake and cry
The sheer horror the boy had gone through
The silence was all he could but try

And there is nothing I can really tell you
Apart from I went home from school early that day
And in the night time darkness,
My little teddy bear comforted me all the way

The Black Room

Door closed
Wooden footsteps
Heaven knows
Pick a petal
Solid wall
Scary noise
Feeling small
And then she comes
Little girls
Seeing summer
Forever whirls
Spinning constantly
Seeing ghosts
Picks a posy
Knocking posts
She asks you questions
Makes you mad
Pokes her tongue
You are sad
You move about
And get so lost
Wondering why
Hidden moss
Room is dark
Fans awhirl
She picks flowers
Pretty swirl
In the floor
Plants them slowly
Forever more
And pats them down
Sings a tune
To the moon
Dancing slowly
Darkness light
Taking care
Hidden delight
And you realise
The hidden goal
You are both
Within his soul

Sandra - Survivor Video

Remembered

Alone she waits
A soft wind blows
She takes out her
Yellow flower
And blows kisses
As the petals
Float to the wind
Softly drifting
Over the waves
She knows
You are there
She waits
For she knows
A prayer
That you made
Will be remembered

Just Silence in my tears

In the house
With a monster
Living every day
Lost and alone
Curtains blue
Home to soon
Dashes, hides
More curtains
Abuse everywhere
No feelings
Lost
Crying but cannot cry
For what if he hears
Footsteps down
The hall
Don't stop
Don't come in
Please, please
Praying
Don't come in
The continuing forward
Praying for someone
To take you away
Some handsome prince
But
They fade
There is no one there
Just silence in my tears

Scared of Basketballs

A while back, when my hair was blonde
A basketball hurt me, above and beyond
I was left mentally scarred, scared to my knees
Of basketballs, of courts, and of cheerleaders flees

And do you know quite casually, how often they appear,
I cannot get rid of them, and this awful dreadful fear
I just remember just what that basketball did
And how just after it, from basketballs I hid

The courts they send me into complete agony and fear,
Looping out of control, I cannot get near
And the lines they mix, altogether it seems
The memories of the hospital, the hits, I am not so keen

So I stayed away for years, not wanting that court
Not wanting to be near, no way, no ought,
And now what goes and happens, there is something that comes too
I have to sit there next to a basketball court, watching my daughter with you

And as the memories surface, from that time before
When the lines mixed together, when I felt so sore
When it becomes clear, when unknown what to do
I sit here staring at the basketball court, unknown by you

And thus far, I have run, hiding away
Not going near the basketball court, unknown what to say
And when I get too close, it starts again
Confronting I take off, fear knows that grin

And really no one knows, that I have such a fear
That I cannot live within a distance of the basketball clear
And I will continue to write, for I am unknown what to do
Just how do I get over the fear - I will leave it up to you.

A nice person?

Across the hardened surface
With lines that etch my face
And many a time played on them
And my story hidden with grace

I see you there coming
Unknown whom you are
Why do I feel a connection?
Trying desperately not to go far

And here is a simple question
Something that is of common place
They ask just a little detail
Drawing closer at their own pace

But what if my life imitates
Just what I grew up in
And this "nice person" again
Is a monster, with a hidden sin

Not again, that little girl cries
Fear again making her run
Silence just a golden moment
Stomach showing fear, sickness, no fun

So as you sit and look
You just hid your feelings within
Waiting for just the right moment
When maybe you can let that nice person in.



A subconsious comparison I always make - is this new person like him? The level of fear is HUGE. A new person today ask me to share something that would lead them to this site. I went silent....I am waiting for the right moment...just to see what they say.

Things I have gotten in the past:

Walking away
This is a confronting site
I could not read it
Amazing
People no longer speaking to me
Anger and frustration
Screams
Wonderful responses
Tears
People reading this site without my permission which devestated me
People adding their own story
Other assorted comments
"Im sorry"

I am always surprised at the responses. I have told many.

The book

This page is coloured white
For when my life began
And a rosy pink leather
Bound crisp and feathered end

And here on the ornate binding
A turn of a slight happy quill
I read and I write my life
The paper warps against my will

And here on this black page
A memory I dont want to see
And another sitting everywhere
All hidden inside of me

And if I dont remember
Do I just fold those pages away
Feel the thoughts and feelings
But dont remember on this given day

And the green pages are all happy
Because I had forgotten the black ones too
Just pretending they just did not happen
Forgetting what happened to you

And a leather bookmark stands here
Hidden directly in the spot
Of where my life and soul were taken
My life cut, and hidden in lots

And what if someone special
Were to seek out that book
And listen to the pages
Giving you such a hook

And slowly with their help
You turn the pages one by one
Discussing each memory slowly
The black ones, really not that much fun

So here in my book,
I let you see the pages for now
As you turn over the bindings
And furrow your hidden brow

And as we reach the end
It just starts up again
For I have forgotten thoughts
There is never any end

My little girl

Holding your small hand
Seeing your smile
And the laughter in your eyes
I see the love

Running through the fields
Catching butterflies
You are just amazing
A miracle of strength

My little girl
Blonde hair, blue eyes
Me, younger in disguise
Just amazing

Do you see me as your angel

Sometimes messages are cryptic


I waited for the reply
For you see it was a loaded question
He did not see the sky

And as the time slowly trickled past
I watched the words appear
I wonder if he would understand
It was a test I would hold dear

And there in a silent note
And there is a moment in time
I sat there waiting and wondering
It was not really a crime

I just wanted to know
Just curious and wanted to see
For I just wanted to know
His feelings towards me

So here I got a large reply
Not a simple yes or no
For a loaded question
Does not come and go

And the final sentence
Ended with the words of glow
You deserve more,
than a simple yes or no

Submitted this week to Whitedovesnest.com

Care

For ten long years
You endure just utter
Horror and nightmares
A living terror, every day stalking

Captured, by a monster
Trapped, lost and alone
Thoughts of please help me
Wander through your soul

And people say they will help
But you know that it is just
Empty words, a hollow boneless
Nightmare. Alone again

And given false hope
You turn, again hoping
That for some reason
Another will care

And you know deep down
They don't, and someone states
Quite separately what is occuring
And your world tumbles

Into an abyss, for the
Monster gets you again
One who abuses you
And the others who just don't care.

Why

I will never know
I will never understand
I could ask
But just hear some answer, that won't be true

Standing in front of you
Was just some more garbage
For there is no answer
To why

It is just a stage
Those forever ending stages
That really having no meaning
It is just placed on society

For who would talk
About the unspeakable
A young child
Surrounded by such terror

And horror
And the imaginings that you could not endure
And then one day she turns to you
All innocent in her thoughts and understandings

Hoping that she could at least trust someone
And for a while she thinks
Its all ok, and then realises, yesterday
That yes there is no answer to why.

A call backwards in time

You sit down
With your cup of tea
To the left
As you take the
Black phone
In your hand
And you dial the numbers

It rings
Bring Bring
She picks up, the phone looks different
She sits on the divan
Her legs quite not touching the floor
In front of her is the fridge and
All around is the kitchen, 1980's style

"Hello" she says
A silent tear falls down your face
"Hello"
"Hi" you say, you can hear your voices
Are just about the same, one high, one low

"Who are you" she asks
"I am someone who cares" you return
"For me?" she says
And I say Yes - especially for you

And you can hear the sigh of relief
On the other end of the phone
And you say
"I know what he is doing to you"
"I know what you have tried to do"
And your eyes are steadily getting fogged
Tears running and running

You can hear her crying on the other end of the phone
"Oh mummy, he does such bad things"
"But I protect my sister and yesterday, I made her
Pony tails in her hair. We played out side
It is not so bad after all"

And you know what horror she is enduring
And you know the pain she is going through
And that tonight or today, she must face
A rapist at every corner

But for just this phone call, you know she is safe,
Talking to you on the other line
And your hand starts to tremble
You can hear her thoughts

"Can you be my mummy? and take me away"
And you wish you could
But you know all you can do
Is say - good bye and "I love you"
And as you silently hang up the phone
A call backwards in time
To my own childhood.

A day....

Cry
For the phone is ringing
You pick it up
You hear the crying on the other end
She speaks of another
Who she thinks is badly hurting
She starts crying again
She mentions cutting
She is concerned about suicide
Cry
Something bad has happened
And you sit there listening to the person crying
Supporting them as they support another
Do you want to be there
Be prepared for what the tell you; you say
She speaks of the fright
Scare
She starts crying
You say call back any time
A day in the life of a suicide line volunteer

A Boy looking after Teddy Bears

In the middle of the forest
There is a boy
Looking after a teddy bear
There is not a sound

He is crouched
Wondering what to do
For the teddy bear
Has lost its leg

And tears fall down his face
Sewing the leg back on
The teddy bear now whole
He thinks; I must go to sewing school

And off to sewing school he goes
Learning, toiling, late nights
Hitting the books, tests, libraries
Meeting others who sew

Forever striving, to helping
Teddy bears in the moonlight
Taking its time,
Learning bit by bit, the cotton
The needle and the yarn

And finally on graduation
From the sewing school
He realises
It is time to sew again

In the middle of the forest
There is a boy
Looking after a teddy bear
There is not a sound




Sometimes a piece of paper means nothing. My first experience with work, I was dumbfounded at how much they don't actually teach you.

A shark tank

A shark tank.



A little girl
In the middle of the ocean
Hand raised in the air
Drowning, for she cannot swim
Sees a shark below
Circling
She gets bitten, her toe gone
She calls out, but no one there to help her
She cries, and cries, prays to God
Please, please help me, praying for a boat
Fear, fear, fear of the shark
Bellows through her mind.

A small boat, comes in the distance
A sail boat, with big white masks
And a hand grabs her, solidly
And lifts her into the boat

And she is bleeding, and crying and shaking
All because of the shark,
And the boat captain ignores her, and she continues bleeding
They sail to the docks and she bleeds

No one speaks to her, for sharks are taboo
No one likes sharks, lets not talk about it
And still she bleeds, her toe gone
But no one sees it, it is gone and forgotten, never talked about

It must be her fault, she decides. My toe is gone
I enticed the shark, the shark could find no one else to bite
So it was her fault. She did not get away fast enough
It is her fault. The teeth were big, it is my fault

She bleeds, her toe gone, scared, she sees shark pictures
In the shop, and ignores it.
Memories of the shark come to mind
She screams at the mirror, for it reminds her of the shark
And finally she folds. She is told, that in order to recover, she must

Visit a shark tank

Oh my GOD, she thinks, not a shark!
No one has much worried about the shark
Or spoken as yet, but not a tank! and she calls ahead, trying to get to goldfish
Goldfish would be easy to see, they wander around the tank, but they are not sharks
Sharks, bite my toe, but she cannot get away, she is folding, the shark is the only way

or so she is told

And she sits there, on the benches near the shark tank looking at the shark
And she starts to remember the shark.
Remembering the attack.
Remember how no one helped her. Lost and alone.
Even losing the connection to life itself
How she felt "different" because she was the shark's victim

Her stomach aches. She walks away for a while. But she can speak to no one

And the next time, she walks over to the tank, places her hand beside it
And the shark, glides by. Screaming, her toe starts bleeding and she
Runs away, because that shark is not getting her again
And she thinks of a machette next time, her thoughts invested in harming the shark

And the shark tank is taken away, and she is left stuck. Her toe bleeds

And she goes about her business. Remembering the shark tank.

It plays on her mind, day in and day out. She picks up the phone, and dials the circus, for where is the shark tank now?
And it is around, just another location and she travels, visiting again
Angered, for the shark disappeared, she wanders up to the shark, and screams at it
The shark glides by on the other side of the tank, saying nothing

Her heart lurches forward, and she has memories, and thoughts of her shark attack.
Her toe bleeds. She gets told, the shark will always get you.
And above the shark tanks reads the sharks name, but she cannot see it
And finally, a cricket bat appears from no where

And she sits there on the bench, with bat in hand, ready to attack, ready to break the shark out of the tank
Ready, to kill it wear it stands. Killing it, knowing she can do it. With that bat in hand she walks up
And takes a violent swing. And before, it hits the glass. She stops. The bat falls to the floor.

Her toe bleeds. She sits on the bench crying, a deep soulful cry. She is just not like that.

And she looks up, and from the clouds, a ray of sunshine appears, lighting up the sign, above the
Shark tank.

And glinting past the shark tank, at an angle, a red and white sign hangs. He is called Toothless.
And was no harm to anyone.

And her toe stopped bleeding.

23 March 2010

Avatar

Did you see it flutter

Did you see it fly

That little floating plant

Like a dandoline cry

And as it drifted

And landed all around

Did you see the next one

Touch the ground

And then another

And another still

Until it covers your body

All at will

The lovely plants

Attracted to your body's delight

Because they know

You are a messiah of might

And then in a whisper

I forget my pain

I notice the dandolines

Around you again

And I put down my anger

And I put down my rage

For together I know

We are on the same page

So come bond with me

Come and understand life

Surrounded by such loveliness

Forgetting our strife

Come fly with me

Come see the sights

I will show you everything

Including my life

Inspired by the movie.

Sweet Revenge

I saw the hospital in the distance
Parking the car behind
As the sun shone
Through the summer days

And I walked through the doors
The lifts on the right I rode
Them to the upper floors
As I had been summoned

This sickness of a man
Summoned me to his beside
And there he sat
Shrivelled, old man on his bed

And just before his dying day, and his last breath
Just before he was to meet his maker,
Whomever that may be,
I pushed aside the hospital curtain

Please forgive me he said
And I had flashbacks of my child hood
Extremeness of the inhumanity
The thoughts of how many children

That this peodophile had terrorised
Day in day out, they lived in fear
And I knew what I had to say
I knew that I could not lie

And from somewhere deep within me it started
And from somewhere it came
The howl of a soul, many souls injured
The screaming so that the hospital staff would hear

And it lasted about 20 mins
Until the nurses took me away
The drs would need to sedate him
And all the nursing staff knew

Know that he was forever not at peace
Know I knew he would reside
That hell would be his salvation
And I walked out of the hospital with pride

Sunlight Rays

Goodness knows what I was doing
Goodness knows what I actually said
I just have no recollection
Of what was going through my head.

I had just decided to say one thing
Just something there quite safe
Just something that would not worry me
Something not to give me grief

And so I just said memories
And out it all just came
I just said it there just quietly
It just felt like a little game

A little girl lost
These memories in her head
All swirling around
Unable to think around them instead

And though I did not tell the memory
I just wanted you to know
That there was just a lot of them
Not just one or two, to show

And then I remembered who I was telling
And I asked if you were ok
It is awful to hear such violence
Told easily from a sway

And I have not felt the crash as yet,
I have been happy here for days
You were right a number of months back
Releasing this gives the sunlight rays.

Here is a Love Poem

Did your heart just skip a beat
Did I just make you angry
For you see, I need to feel like this
To face, what I do
This level of closeness
Feeling and warmth
Trigger such fear
I feel love
To listen to horror
And to know you are safe
To say what I say and
Hope that it is right
And to listen in
The way you just want
It all takes Love

To sit next to you
Hold you hand
Take care of my needs
Knowing what is to come
Not even perhaps knowing
Who you even are
You even scaring me at times
It all takes love
Trust and love
What have they done
For I do not know
I stand on the abyss of
Unknowing
Trusting you can tell me
In time and I can listen
That I care enough

May you love me in the same way
For I missed the simple love of a father
May you find it within you
To love me

Shining on us

Shining on us

In a silent little bay
I spy you
All alone
With a light shining on us

I smile as I whisper
On my breath
And my voice
Carries to you, softly

Can I just be here
And enjoy the light
Surrounded by this safety
Just for a while

And I see a sea shell
I bend over and pick it up
And it whispers the ocean
Saying your name from far away

And the playground is calling to me
But I stay, because you are all alone
And I calm down, and enjoy the scene
As the sun sets over the ocean

The light shines on us from above
And it slowly disappears
And the sun sets
And we walk arm and arm
Leaving our troubles to the wind