A bubble

A bubble
Floats
While the
Little girl
Inside cries

Outstretched
She is alone
Within the bubble
Shiny rainbow pattern

Glitter in the sunlight
The bubble pops
A new world
Lost in a circle

And quietly she walks forward
Seeing the world
Without the bubble
And tests it for a while

Dipping her feet in the water
Seeing the ducks and feathers
Experiencing the daylight
Seeing the moon

And then after this.
Alone she is
She turns around and
Feels within her chest

She retreats to her bubble
Floating
While the little girl
Inside cries



Explaining it as best I can

I can't write this poem

I really can't write this poem
I have tried so many times
The white page here before me
Lay blank here with a poets crime

I try to say it this way
I begin to change the words
I rub them out constantly
My thoughts are becoming disturbed

I am trying to join the wording
I am beginning to get it right
It is making me feel wonderful
It is giving quite a fright

You see I write these poems
Here hidden, very quickly indeed
But there is just one sentence
That has sent me to my knees

I cannot say what is wanted
Even hidden with whats occurred
This poem; will never be understood
It will never be read or heard

So every time I write it
It is not the truth indeed
I cannot just get it out
Even writing at full speed

The poem here before me
That sentence that was taken back
Its making me quite angry
I wonder why it ran off track

So here within this poem
I will whisper it to you
Just so you can ask the meaning
Of whats making me feel so utterly blue

And when you finished reading
Please go back and read its words
For surely you will see
The horror that has occurred

Part 2

Did you go back and read the poem
It was hidden there quite indeed
I knew I would finally get it out
When I wrote it at full speed

The last poems were about tea parties
They were about snowfalls and mirrors too
There were about rooms and waterfalls
And whispers of flowers and words from you

I could not get it right
So I sat here and wrote away
For you see I dont know what to do
I did not know what to say

So here this poem has taken six months
Of toil and utter pain
Of crying and not understanding
Of silence for someone elses gain

I have screwed up all the pages
And thrown to the scrap paper bin
It would just not be right
A blank page, a poets greatest and biggest sin

It time spent in agony
Its a note of silent dread
A deep within dwell
That sticks there within your head

That sudden thought or meaning
That hidden image you want people to see
There written on the paper
Now out, instead of within me

So there after all this pain
That time and search day after day
Thank God I have FINALLY said it
And that is all I have to say

The Eternity Flower
A little boy, stands

And hands a little girl

A flower

Ever so gently

And whispers "It will be ok"

And the little girl

Stares at the flower

Its petals purple

It wont be ok

She whispers

My nightmares

Dwell in the flower

I will not take the flower

"It will be ok"

It is too scary

She replies

There are dreams

I just dont want to be there

Just don't want to see

She looks at the boy

"It will be ok"

There are just too many

To recall

I cannot touch the flower

I cannot see the time

"It will be ok"

And with this,

She reaches out

And with the tip

Of her finger

Touches its petals

A light feather touch

It blooms

With rainbows

A smile appears

Its the Eternity Flower

Today Nothing Works

A life full of Coco pops
And marbles that feel like rocks
That youngster time, my childhood slows
And today, it returns and glows

And what if I shared with you,
A lifetime of sorrow, you never knew
And what if I were to say out loud
Something that everyone deems not proud

And so I contemplate this today
I feel its rush, that horror way
And there it comes, that time again
And away I drift, lost back then

So even to contemplate this today
Sends me drifting far away
And to return, I see again
I am always alone, way back then

What is it like

I am wondering how I can convey
To you, the reader of this poem
Just what is it like
To live with a monster?

I know I cannot achieve it
I know you will never know
I could sit here for years
And still you would only scratch the surface

I could tell you of the eyes that I see
I could tell you of my nightmares
And I can tell you of my scarred soul
But you could never understand

I could tell you how many years
What frightened me, and when
How I had to hide, what I had to do
And where I went to, but in the long run, you would never know

I could tell you of the incidences I remember
And of the ones I dont
I could tell you of the nights I have sat in tears
And wished that it would just go away

It is just that there is no one out there
That can help this little child
Understand why her daddy did this
And why I must now cry.

Halo

I wonder if you can cope; I wonder if you can see
I wonder if you know; this horror, deep within me
The shear amount of stories, listening to what I have heard
The understanding and the care, that has severely occurred

I have heard everything, praying the story right
That yet another gives me; it all its glory and its fright
The images I can get, can see a day of a night clear
I wonder if they are crying, as they type throughout the years

So many I have seen, I have lost count of them too
To the point, where I am lost, I don't know what to do;
And here is the surrounding, the streets within my head
You drive down them daily, the horror handed over to you instead

Sometimes I have not bothered to return; for the person does not seem to care
What sort of person says these things; that I sat an hour to hear
And bringing back these memories, a word giving you pain
Reliving my childhood with you; sitting here again and again

And dont think you can escape, for I dont know what to do
Because I feel deeply lost, and so will you alone too
So when you're about to drive, and turn down that empty street
Remember I have been living with it; more years than you to keep

And I could not notice evil, I could not see it still
Because I was raised without peace; a child without will
And would a child know, clearly what to do
If she was driving alone, scared and with a monster too

And so I am sorry, for the story you are about to hear
I have shed a thousand tears, living with this constant fear
And I thank you for listening, again I needed much care
Because it has gotten to me, the memories are just not there.

Waiting

And you see it there, flash up on the screen
What are all these figures, just what do they mean
So many out of work, so many looking too
Surely you are lost, amid the struggle of workers too

And there you sit, as you stare at the screen
Just when is it my time, do you know what I mean
And how many applications, just keeping this list
Not understanding why, that job that you missed

And you see on the screen, yet another job gone
Hey, I applied for that one before, feeling so forlorn
Another rejection notice, another sorry, we will keep it on file
You just wondering now, is this really worthwhile?

But I will let you in on a secret, a little hidden store
I have a little backup plan, to keep me on line and more
I have chosen a song, chosen that note
That will play in the background, will be turned up full bloat

And finally when I get there, when I receive that single call
And my work has paid off, self esteem to the wall
I will turn up the volume and play it real loud.
And I will know how difficult it was, feeling ever so proud

So to those reading, who know what I mean
Please chose your song, and play it full steam
And keep it in your mind, as you apply yet once more
That you’ll enjoy every moment, as that song plays full boar


Looking for work and relocation. It is hard at the moment with the economy. Hoping it fixes up soon.

Just how many tears

Just how many tears; do I have to cry
And just how many years; just have to pass me by
Just why did I not know; why did you not care
Why did you take my innocence; without me there

And where did I disappear to; and where do I go
Just what am I left doing; only never will know
The pain and the misery; the screams and the yells
Surely this is the beginning; lifes living in this hell

And why do I not know; love of a father dear
When so many others; know this through the years
When my nightmares are haunted; when I cannot write your name
I spent years dealing with it; causing myself such to blame

And what am I left with; this hole in my heart
I will never know the love of a father; torn in two parts
And when will this end; when will this pain disappear
And I cry again now; shedding these tears