Alice

She ran and she ran
From the forest
Being chased and harrassed
Screamed at, the fox getting closer
The pounding of her heart
Not knowing what was coming
The darkness unable to control
The panting of its breath
The screaming in her mind
The high pitched squeal of the wind
The darkness, the darkness
Fear, Fear, Fear
Screaming beyond imagining

-- He declared to me -- fullstop

Alice in Wonderland
Was always something I enjoyed
As I sit there and make pictures
Remembering the fear
But slowly painting butterflies
Looking at a spider and seeing
The wind blow the web

Wondering, why I want to return to the
Forest.....

Her Fathers Legacy

the girl huddled next to her school desk, covering her work quickly
uses the eraser three times, not getting it down, not understanding

--he will be there tonight -- I know you don't want to hear

write a story about menace she thought -- her task not healthy
it was hard to describe her life, her best friend not knowing

-- the fear will make you sick -- Quick turn away, leave the little girl alone

her mum not understanding, the sister she must protect, silent
hiding, waiting, running away, she huddled closer to her pen

-- trapped with him, his face will distort your memories -- Am I making you uncomfortable?

erasing more and more lines, it was the fear that got to her
but she must be strong, keep him away, while writing slowly about nothing

-- there is no escape, even if you try -- You cannot hear this, you say

and with the pen, she stopped, emotionless -- her pen down, shoulders hunched
she had nothing to write about, but rainbows and dancing in the sun

-- no one will believe you, to run you will just be returned - Well just stop reading

the menace had been that good, that precise
that even a little girl felt trapped -- when writing alone

he scared her to a point where it was easier to forget
and erase the page

the menace that is at every turn,

and leaves her chasing butterflies, in the fields

A Circle before Jail

Writing about the fairy circle is hard, she thought
It was an old tradition, passed down and down -- don't you have one?

-- a water tradition?

She would stand in the middle of her room
All painted in yellow, wearing a pretty dress, pigtales

-- perhaps a special saying?

Taking the dust from the bottle -- purple to be precise
May, I excuse you sir -- it had to be purple

-- special teddy bear -- am I reminding you?

She disappeared into her world of safety, her world of delight
Doing a fairy dust circle, sprinkling her childhood memory

-- Is was but years later

She remembered why, why the fairy dust circle was there
It was for the monsters -- for that ugly smiling one

-- Hidden in the cupboard, dark

Her fathers smile would bring her nightmares
Screams, of weird fright, illusions of the night

-- Nightmare under the covers, dare to be spoken

The circling fan, that made noises, praying
The creaks, squeals and whistles -- as she listened to his footsteps

-- Noises that go bump in the night, it was real

She would sit in her circle, protected
A childs' remedy -- a childs' delight, safe in her minds eye

-- Today in her office

Sits a circle painting, slowly she smiles
And she stares at it, softly -- as they walk into the room

Caught

Who I am -- is not for your amusement

I am not your amusement child, for when you are stressed or weary of the world
I do not look sexy or cute, do not entice anything out of me, with your sexual connotations


I am but a child, sitting there watching tv
Learning about the world, all of such eight, staring out the window


Not yet grown, not understanding that there is evil out there
And evil there laying on the couch -- watching me -- waiting, planning


For when the house is empty, ready to pray on me
Decisive, practiced, many a girl before me, and many after me


So I wonder, what went through in your mind, when you decided to violate my body
When you decided, what my life should be.


     Was it that you were stressed, like you told me so many years later, when I grew up
     Or was it just that you were a man -- weak, useless and cruel

How to change

The lady in purple
Walked up to the
Telephone booth
And stepped in
There was a line
Outside
Waiting, getting impatient
In the hot weather
She closed the door
Taking refuge inside
Watching the
Dried chewing gum
Cake up the slot
Where her money
Was to go
She noticed a penny
On the floor
She turned to leave
But stopped
As the telephone rang

She heard it
Calling her in the background
She was busy looking
At the floor and the money
People outside waiting

She leaned over
And chose the change

Leaving the phone call
To the next in line.

"Free shipping"

"Free shipping"
Said the package
I opened it up
And saw it
And started to cry
It was my
Heart in pieces
Sewn together
With package string

The Fish

The love heart
Told over and over
That it was a fish
So much so -- it blew bubbles

The Cross

I saw a note today
In the middle
Of the road
It was not a simple note
It was a cross
Like one you put
In your Aunty's birthday card
A faux I love you
But this was no
I love you
This was a cross to
Remind me
Of the terror
Of the forgotten things
And how love
Can go horribly wrong
This was where
I was abused
And they marked it
With a cross.

Your love song

A little girl lays alone
Near the sidewalk
Dirt on her face
She smiles at the passerby's
There is no tears
There is no anger
Just a smile
She turns on the radio beside her
Her only possession
And realises
It is playing her song
And she turns it up
And revels in -- her love.

My childhood memories

My childhood memories

Silent bird calls
Creaking houses
Noises from corners
She sits
Writing
On her notepad
Whirring of the fridge
Noises, coughs, beeps
From out the back
    She pauses to hear
    A door closing
    Footsteps
    Down the hall
    Walking forward
    Pausing
    Not scary
    Hiding looking
    For hiding spots
The fridge makes a noise
The birds stop
Birds flying outside
Sunlight drifts in
A deep breath
Difficult day
Eyes glinting
In the morning
    Hidden she is
    From his glare
    He cannot see her
    Under the bed
    She sits there listening
    Waiting
    Waiting for the footsteps
    To wander on down the hall
    Waiting
    Scared
    Nothing
    Surreal
Shadecloth
Shadows
Fireplace
Creaking of the walls
Silence
Humming of the fridge
Tv off
Light across the wire
    It continues past the door
    Into the kitchen
    Where there is no noise
    I wait
    Wait scared surreal
    Springs under the mattress
    Gazing outside
    Seeing no escape
    Hoping for escape
    Nothing there
    No one there
    But him
Dogs barking
In the distance
As I remember
Sitting here
My childhood memories

The bravest girl I know

For anonymous

You sat there listening
To a fifteen year old
Tell you tragic news
Of her father in jail


Because she put him there
And her family blamed her
And ostracised her
And her mother had taken to drugs


"She could no longer take it"
His constant raping of her
"She could no longer take it"
And now, she lived alone in hate

A Vase : For when they tell you

A vase : For when they tell you


A vase sits on the
     Bench

It has pretty flowers
     Stencilled on it

Lovely   motifs and
     Wonderful look

Slim,     and slender
      It stands there

     And    then
Someone walks pass

And    screams
                     "You're Broken"

And     the
     Next

And the           next

And the vase sits
There
Smiling
Holding water
For it is whole.           

The End of a Smile

"Her home is the well
She is lost in the city
Of rain and water
I have dirt across my face
Staring into the night sky
And she blows
Dandeloin seeds
To the wind
As you smile"

The Girls Monster

A little girl
Walks up
And asks you -- yes you

Pulling on
Your shirt
There is a monster
Back there
She is frightened

She turns to you - yes you
And says
Can you help me

Face the monster
They don't believe me
That it exists
And I need
To see

And you turn - yes you
You turn and say.......

Twenty

It's Two Twenty AM

Sound asleep in

The house -- her house

No one awake

The odd motorbike

On the far off highway

The typing on the computer

As she writes a poem

To all those sleepless nights

And dreary mornings

Where she could not

Endure the day

Two Twenty AM -- is home.

Incident

Eating his sandwich
In the squadroom
Afterwards
Must have been
Been beef or ham
McDonalds
It must have been

Worthwhile

The little girl
Cried at the window
Springs wide
Being fearful
Every night
Of her Father
Attacking her
Whenever the opportunity
Came about
Crying because
There was
Nothing she
Could do

Scream

When I see

An orange

I wish I

could paint

Rainbows

But all I can

Do is this.

I wish when I 

Talked

All you could

Do is listen

And be marvelled

By the rainbow

Draft Two

When I see
A grape
In the salad
I wish it were wine
But all I can do
Is eat

I wish you
Could see the dinner
Bypass the grape
And marvel
At the banquet


 

You're Beautiful

That smile
That makes your eyes light up
How you skip down the road
Doing twirlies in the night

Simple pleasures
Dancing to songs
And screaming out loud
With a laugh that makes
People turn their heads

Blowing petals to the wind
Clapping out loud
Screaming at the top of your lungs
Looking in the mirror
Yet again
Pretending you're a princess

Wondering at fireworks
Dancing in the street
Playing skipping ropes
Bouncing with your legs
In anticipation of this day

I'm so lucky
You're beautiful.


Poem to the song What makes You Beautiful by One Direction.

On the edge