I am not like my mum

As I stare at the clock
Hearing it say tic, saying toc
I wonder when I will fall asleep
My mind silent, not a peep

I wonder why I felt happy today
Angry feelings kept at bay
Why do I feel happy; instead of glum
Is it because I am not like my mum?

One is "supposed" to idolise
Their model parent; so critised
What do you do if she did not care
If she did not worry, if she was not there?

If she let you understand; that father was good
He molested you; whenever he could?
And when you told her; putting fears aside
She said "What do you want?" and then let the topic hide?

So instead of helping; she chose to forget
She lived with this monster; mind set
And when you raised the topic; saying something
She yelled and screamed; "It was nothing!!"

When you tried to seek help; shortly after
From professionals; therapists; there was much laughter
And when you chose to run away
It was their parenting that held you at bay

And what do you say; when years pass
You confronted your father; yes at last!
When your mother stood and defended him
For his guilt and for his sin?

What do you say; when she tries to reconcile
With a Christmas card; that is so vile
Nothing mentioned; everything quiet
Only the veiled message; "Do not be defiant"

I will accept you; but only when
You say nothing about your fathers sin
We must be as quiet as a mouse
And not utter a word of evil in the house

What do you do; feeling completely alone
Look at the card; missing home
Realised that home was never there
A fairy tale; where nobody did care?

"It is OK"; it was in the past
As another grandchild; is offered up fast
Sisters living in complete denial
Like their mother, are ever so frail

So finally; I looked at the card
It caused me grief; ever so hard
I picked up the phone; wanting to be heard
And said "How do you live with him" you silly t*rd

For you see; it is many years on
When your kids judge you; they know a con
So maybe I am feeling in a happy way
Because I am not like my mum today

Wrote this one in the middle of the night. Inspired by an event that happened about 3 months ago.