Memories

I saw it two days ago
A slight image
A slight pain
I see the scare; I cannot name

It started slowly
I saw it there
I did not know what to do
I could not care

It jumped out at me
I wanted it so
I begged for years
For it to let me know

How could I tell
That there was more
More to this living hell
My heart; it tore

Now since then
I have received more
There are three extra images
I am keeping score

What is coming next?
I cannot go
I can handle it
This I know.



More memories.

Empty

Lost alone and so far away
I feel empty; another feeling today
The loss within me; will the pain go?
I could of gone; I just did not know

An emptiness; a longing; a mindless soul
A single pity; within a deep dark hole
I reach out; Is someone there?
Does this even matter; do I even care?

The crying comes; will this shortly go?
I feel at a loss; does anyone know?
The tears fall; a silent gloss trail
Will I feel normal; or will I fail

I sigh so heavily; the burden is there
Without my strength that I proudly wear
The loss is deep I can feel it still
Tapping my shoulder; against my will

The emptiness fades; the dawn comes again
I feel the suns rays; forgiving when
I am glad the emptiness; is not always here
And it is a smile; I can now wear.



Sadness ; thank goodness it goes away. Putting on a happy song may help

Healing through Creativity 2006

After much planning, Healing through Creativity 2006 started today. I volunteered in Sept 2005, to create with others, the website at www.healingthroughcreativity.org to promote the event on the web.

It has been a fantastic journey for myself and others. Though I live in another country, it has certainly turned my life upside down in ways I would never had guessed when it first started.

I have contributed to the event, an artwork "You Can" describing my story from a child of 10 and a half (see main site under Survivor Art Gallery). It has given me much pause in my life, to discover that over a period of 22 years (what the art work covers) , I have managed to move forward from a place that I thought would forever be forgotten. I wish to send a big thank you for all the people in my life that have aided me.

I have also donated poetry - "Touched", "Angels Garden" and "Little Girl Gone" for display along with other artists/performers/helpers who have contributed to the event.

I wish to send a big thank you to all that organised the event and put in many hours of behind the scenes work.

I wish also to personally thank the event organiser, George and family for much needed inspiration & help.

(((hugs)))

White Dove

Way up high
Where the sunlight sings
Flies a white dove;
Taking flight to the wings

The white dove soars
As she finds a cloud
She flies through it
Ever so proud

She loses a feather
It floats down still
It falls at the feet
Of a little girl; broken will

The girl looks up
And sees the white dove soar
She does not understand
She does but ignore

She takes the feather
Eyes covered in tears
Eyes being haunted
Eyes filled with fears

She tucks in the feather
Hiding it quickly away
It is hers forever
It is here today

For within this feather
Lies a promise of the dove
That forever and today
The girl has found internal love


For all the young girls who have been affected traumatically by childhood sexual abuse, here is my feather to you. May it give you continued inspiration to speak out and not remain quiet.

(((((hugs)))))

whitedove

Anniversary

Today marks the 1st Anniversary of losing my family due to sexual abuse. I had to separate for my own well being and sanity. A year today I held my ground and said no to continuing silence.

What has changed for me in this year:-

1. Completed this healing website & another - approx 100 people a day are helped
2. My story in a book
2. Written my story in different formats (see main site)
3. Seeked help
4. Stopping the silence/blame
5. Found a friend or two.

((((hugs))))))

Today

I am empty
I feel no pain
I feel no hardship
I cannot name

A year has passed
I don't know what to do
A year has passed
Without seeing you

Unsure what has happened
To be this way
I did nothing
For it to end up today

I thought I would be sad
For losing you;
I thought that you would
Understand what this has done too

But now a year on
Am I filled with regret
No I just feel empty
I just want to forget